Cleared
by Andrometamorphose
Summary: What happens when Itachi gets amnesia and is brought to Konoha? Apparently, some rabid squirrels, halfbaked plans, and the most twisted matchmaking skills ever. sasusaku. COMPLETE!
1. Poor Birds

Cleared

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Otherwise, this would have happened.

I basically got this idea while eating dinner with my sister. It's sad how these ideas somehow come from her mouth and get told to you through me although she just gave me the IDEA and not the STORY so yeah, I guess this is still by me….

--------------------------------------------

It was a normal day for Sakura, or as normal as it gets. Sasuke had already come back, after killing Orochimaru and gaining his power. Now, he promised to stay at Konoha, where he was currently training to get even stronger, so he could be able to beat Itachi and avenge his clan.

Anyways, Sakura was sleeping happily in her bed, with her window half open and a slight breeze coming in. She felt warm and snuggly (A/N: if you want to achieve that degree of snuggliness, turn your a/c on for 2 hours with the door shut and then go in with a blanket and sleep. It will bring you dreams of Sasuke, if you're a girl….if you're a guy, well…..umm….it'll bring you dreams of me! XD )

Back to the story

Sakura was sleeping soundly in bed dreaming of candy, butterflies, sasuke, fairies, hearts, sasuke, pinkness, and did I say Sasuke, when she was suddenly awoken by a loud tapping at her window. She tried ignoring it, but it just got louder, and Louder, and LOUDER until she threw her alarm clock out the window at the bird.

"SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING BIRD! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU, WAKING ME UP RIGHT NOW!" Sakura screamed while trying to get up and failing to do so.

"…."

"WELL?" (A/N: we do not know why Sakura is talking to what she thinks is a bird right now…I guess now that we know how she treats "birds" who tap at her window, we can safely assume why there are no birds in Sakura's yard)

"…um…Sakura?"

Sakura quickly got up. Since when did birds talk and annoy her in the mornings? She had made sure that they would stay away from her yard (we do not want to know how she drove the birds away…lets just say that it was not pleasant and that is why I have 10,000 birds in my yard in the mornings chirping their heads off).

"Sakura?"

Sakura poked her head out the window. Was that who she thought it was? Oh god…it can't be!

"Sasuke? Why are you here at…" Sakura tried to find her alarm clock but then remembered that she had thrown it out the window, "why are you here so early?"

"Sakura….it's almost noon, and I've come to deliver a message to you from Tsunade-sama."

"Ok…when do I have to be there?"

"Now."

"ARGH!" Sakura proceeded to change.

"Umm…Sasuke?"

"hn.."

"I need to change…so if you could wait AT THE DOORSTEP that would be FINE!" Sakura finished this off with an innocent smile, leaving a blushing and embarrassed Uchiha at the door.

_Since when did Sakura yell at me? And not apologize? She must pay! ….well…at least she smiled at me…I guess that makes up for the yelling…but still…I THOUGHT SHE LIKED ME! (we can see the size of the Uchiha ego at this precious self-doubting moment of Sasuke's…hmm…is Sasuke jealous?)_

_**Are you jealous, Sasuke?**_

_Who are you?_

I'm your Inner…SPECIAL people have them… 

_Well, leave me alone…I have better things to do than talk to myself. Plus, I must wait for Sakura until she comes out. _

_**Why don't you peep through the windows? You could be …um…testing your spying skills! And as an added bonus, you could take pictures and sell them to Jiraiya for inspiration for the next volume of Itcha Itcha Paradise! (laughs evilly)**_

_Excuse me, but I'm an Uchiha and I have my pride. An Uchiha would never stoop this low._

_**An Uchiha is always ready for a challenge, Sasuke.**_

_Fine/'ll do it…but just this once!_

_**(claps and does a dance)**_

_As long as you stop dancing._

Hn… 

Anyways, after Sasuke debated with his Inner, he scouted the area, using his Sharingan. The coast was clear. He leapt onto the roof of Sakura's house lightly, and then hung over the roof and peered into the bedroom window. (imagine how a bat hangs upside down. This was what Sasuke was doing)

However, the room was empty. He quickly looked through every window but they were all empty. Feeling confused (which is HIGHLY unusual for the great Uchiha Sasuke), Sasuke, went towards the door. Unfortunately, the door and Sakura picked a great time to open up and so Sasuke, still hanging upside-down in front of the door, got slammed in the face by the door.

"Um…Sasuke?" Sakura's eyebrow started twitching.

"Yeah…" Sasuke started to get up and SUCCEEDED! (the heavens open up and angels start singing…seriously, it IS a miracle to be able to stand up once you get slammed in the head by a door…trust me, I know this from personal experience)

"What were you doing?"

"Practicing…and training…you were taking too long."

Sakura's face fell. (she thought he was peeking and spying on her, which he was, but he's in denial right now) "Oh…okay…let's go now, I'm ready."

----------------------------------------------------

As they got to the Hokage's tower, Sakura and Sasuke started saying goodbye to each other (since Sasuke HAS to train or his perfect body will rot and he will become a Chouji clone) (sorry, Chouji fans…I was only kidding…no need to flame me…), Tsunade walked out and told Sasuke to stay. Sasuke and Sakura, dumbfounded (imagine Sasuke looking somewhat like a retarded chicken, and Sakura with twitching eyebrows even more scarier than Lee's bushy ones) (sorry Lee fans, but I meant no offense), both said in unison ,

"Why?"

Tsunade, becoming impatient with the both of them, said, "Because I have important news that concerns your brother, Sasuke."

Sasuke immediately clenched his fists and started walking towards Tsunade.

"Now, now Sasuke, no need to get worried. Your brother hasn't killed anyone yet."

"ummm…Tsunade?" Sakura asked.

"What!"

"Why am I here?"

"Because you are going to be a part of this."

"Of what?"

Sasuke and Sakura's eyebrows began twitching from impatience. (their eyebrows are even scarier than Gai's! …sorry Gai fans…it seems I'm in an "I hate Gai, Lee, and Chouji" mood today.

"Okay…you guys are annoying the heck out of me and I HAVE GOT TO HAVE MY SAKE! So…"

Cricket.

Chirp.

"WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU STUPID BIRDS!" Sakura apparently has lost it with birds.

"…"

"…"

Tsunade decided to be blunt this time because she didn't want nightmares that night or be scarred by the twitching eyebrows.

"We have Itachi. He is in my office right now, and you guys are going to help him."

"WHAT!"

----------------------------------------

So there you have it! Chapter one is complete! (does a little cheer) So how do you like it? If I get five or more reviews, I'll update it tomorrow. If not…I'll update it whenever I'm bored…which is like every other day…so either way, I lose and you win….but if I get no reviews, I'LL CRY AND KILL OFF SASUKE AND KEEP INSULTING GAI, LEE, AND CHOUJI, YOU GAI, LEE, AND CHOUJI FANS! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

So, click that purple button and REVIEW! (thank you!)


	2. Sasuke's Inner Evil

Chapter 2

Hey! I'm back! Okay, I sort of got tired of waiting for all of your reviews and since I was really impatient, I started writing this story before my eyebrows started twitching….seriously, I think it's unhealthy if you have twitching body parts, but anyways…ON WITH THE FIC!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, there would be more episodes focussed on Sasusaku, Nejiten, and Gaara. (sorry, to all you anti-gaara fans, but I love my sandman!)

------------------------------------------------

"WHAT!" Sasuke and Sakura began to have another fit of the twitching eyebrows, along with other parts of their anatomy. Tsunade, being the sake-obsessed Hokage she is (that's a good thing, all you Tsunade fans out there…), started getting really pissed. And you DON'T want to see her mad…especially around sake time…

So, while Tsunade was trying to control her temper, Sasuke and Sakura were getting over their Moment of the Twitching Body Parts and getting ready to say Unmentionable Words. Sakura started speaking first.

"Why the (beep) would we want to help out that (beep) Itachi?" (you can insert your own special words where the "beeps" are –the beeps are just there so the rating will not change for this fic XD)

Tsunade, finally gaining control of her temper, was watching Sasuke strangely (because he looked like a retarded duck at the moment). Then she answered.

"It seems as if Itachi has lost his memory, but we do not know why yet (giggles at the sight of the Sasuke-chicken/duck)…"

"So what do you want us to do about it?" Sasuke had finally regained his composure after reminding himself that no Uchiha had ever impersonated a duck/chicken and he was not about to be the first to do so.

"Well…I want you to be friends with him and to introduce him to the society NICELY. Also, he will be living in a cabin I have just bought along with the two of you. This can be interpreted as an A-class mission, if you want to put it that way. Your mission is to be nice to Itachi and have him make friends with the ninjas. Hopefully, he will not go back to his old ways after this mission is completed."

Sasuke and Sakura nodded, although they did not know what to expect of this "new" Itachi without his memory. Sakura, wanting more details, asked,

"So, we can't say anything about the massacre of the Uchiha clan? And does he have TEMPORARY amnesia –not permanent? And what happens if he regains his memories?"

Tsunade sighed. This was going to take longer than she expected and she really needed that sake NOW.

"To answer your questions, Sakura, you may speak of the Uchiha clan and the massacre but do NOT say anything about him being the cause. It seems that his amnesia might last up to more than a year or might be permanent. We do not know right now yet. If, however, he starts regaining his memories, it will not be sudden. He will regain them bit by bit and you two can help him along with that."

Sakura nodded, having understood the full situation.

Tsunade looked at Sasuke (and tried not to picture him as a chicken or a duck…sorry Sasuke fans, I am a BIG supporter of Sasuke, but in this fanfic, he will be made fun of a lot in THIS CHAPTER ONLY because I feel he deserves it after siding with Orochimaru…seriously, what is up with Oro and eyeliner?).

"Sasuke, that goes especially for you. The reason you're not handling this alone is because I do not want you to say anything accidental about the Uchiha clan or if you lose your temper, I do not want you to say anything we might all regret. That's why you're helping him, Sakura."  
Tsunade faced the two ninjas.

"Look, both of you. This is a really important mission. If Itachi can regain his memories and still be on our side, then he can help all of Konoha and the other Hidden Villages with his information on the Akatsuki (did I spell that right?). This mission rests on both of your shoulders and I expect it to be a success. Got it?"

"Hai!" Sasuke and Sakura replied, not wanting to be the target of Tsunade's sake-deprived rants.

"Also, you might notice that Itachi has become younger too. At this stage, he is around your age, if not a couple of months older. Do not be shocked at this or start looking like dead animals/poultry, got it? Sasuke?"

Sasuke nodded, angry at himself for being compared to dead animals.

"Now, let's go up and meet him."

Sakura and Sasuke walked up the stairs, preparing themselves to be surprised by Itachi's behavior. Tsunade, expecting this, warned them,

"Look, he might seem a little … how do I say this? He might seem a little childish, but please make him feel comfortable. It is essential to the mission, got it?"

"Tsunade, it's okay. If we can handle Naruto and his ramen obsessions and cluelessness, I think we can handle this pretty well, right Sasuke?"

"Hn.."

Tsunade started. "Sasuke, you have to become more open from now on, for your attitude may affect Itachi's and he may become evil again. Therefore, as part of the mission, you have to speak in FULL length sentences and become more friendly with everyone from now on, got it? The mission is one of the most important ones right now. Do not mess this up."

Sasuke looked up, surprised, and began having an internal debate with his Inner.

------------------

A/N: If you want to read Sasuke's debate with his Inner, you MUST read this IMPORTANT note...basically, since some of you don't pay attention to the author's notes at the bottom, I'm putting part of it in the middle, so HA! Here is my author's note:

Seriously, if I don't get at least 8 reviews, I'm not going to update…unless I feel bored, which will probably be in a couple of days…however, I might get tired waiting though and start updating, but reviews would really help this fanfic MOVE ALONG so any critcism, support, or comments would be GREATLY APPRECIATED! (I already have a couple of ideas in store for Itachi and Sasuke….just think about …um…bathroom raids and feminine hygiene, got it? If you want me to update sooner so I can make you crack up, REVIEW! (thank you, thank you, for those who have read this far)

--------------------------------

_(recap before the a/n)_

_Tsunade started. "Sasuke, you have to become more open from now on, for your attitude may affect Itachi's and he may become evil again. Therefore, as part of the mission, you have to speak in FULL length sentences and become more friendly with everyone from now on, got it? The mission is one of the most important ones right now. Do not mess this up."_

_Sasuke looked up, surprised, and began having an internal debate with his Inner._

_(end recap)_

_-------------------------_

_**YES! Now we can seduce Sakura and peek into her rooms and do whatever we want without being suspected! We can just say that we're doing the mission! (does a victory dance)**_

_If you keep acting like that, I'll act so bad I'll even embarrass you, which includes acting like Naruto, having Jiraiya's habits, and reading the Itcha Itcha Paradise books like Kakashi, not to mention stutter whenever Sakura is around like Hinata, got it?_

Fine, but I think I like the idea of acting like Jiraiya and Kakashi… 

_That's not what I meant and STOP GIGGLING! It's very Un-Uchiha-like….(is that a word?)_

You know, you're just so annoying… 

_And you're not? Now go away, I don't want anyone staring at me…seriously, this is technically a one-sided conversation, you know._

_**Whatever…you know where to look if you need help…oh yeah, the great UCHIHA SASUKE DOES NOT NEED HELP! (starts vanishing)**_

Shut up…you're getting on my nerves… 

Sasuke snapped out of it, and found Sakura staring weirdly at him. In return, Sasuke glared at her, putting all his pent-up frustration into their little mini-staring contest. Of course, being the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE, he lost, and Sakura looked away triumphantly. Finally, they reached the Hokage's office…and Tsunade opened the door.

They were greeted with the sight of a tall dark and handsome hottie (according to Sakura), who could also be evil, crazy, and stupid (according to Sasuke). (that's for all you Itachi and anti-Itachi fans out there!)

"Hey, Tsunade!" the former evil but still hot guy called over to the Hokage, The formerly evil but still hot guy a.k.a. Itachi looked at Sasuke disdainfully but grinned once he met Sakura's gaze. Sakura felt herself blush.

Itachi continued, "I thought I told you that I hated chicken and duck, but I guess bubblegum sounds nice!"

--------------------------------

So what do you think? I had a lot of fun typing this chapter because I got to make fun of Sasuke so much. (muahahahahaha!) It's not that I hate him, it's just that this chapter is payback for becoming evil and making Sakura suffer. My favorite part is at the end, when Itachi refers to Sasuke as the chicken/duck (I couldn't make up my mind of which bird resembled Sasuke more..tee hee!) and Sakura as bubblegum…anyways, REVIEW! Seriously, if I don't get at least 8 reviews, I'm not going to update…unless I feel bored, which will probably be in a couple of days…however, I might get tired waiting though and start updating, but reviews would really help this fanfic MOVE ALONG so any critcism, support, or comments would be GREATLY APPRECIATED! (I already have a couple of ideas in store for Itachi and Sasuke….just think about …um…bathroom raids and feminine hygiene, got it? If you want me to update sooner so I can make you crack up, REVIEW! (thank you, thank you, for those who have read this far)


	3. Bathroom Issues

Chapter 3

YAY! I got 8 reviews! Thank you, faithful reviewers, you have helped this fangirl-in-denial (see pen name) update sooner! Woot! (I was originally going to do this tomorrow, but I'm bored right now and there's nothing on tv.) So, you know the drill. After you read, you REVIEW and tell me what you think about the chapter, along with what you LIKE, HATE, and THINK. Please, people, I need your support. My next goal is to have 13 reviews, ok? Help me reach that goal by CLICKING THE PURPLE BUTTON when you're done**. (If I don't get 13 reviews, I'll make this story get all angsty and …random…not that it isn't now, but you know what I mean, right?) Seriously, it's my dream to get more than 10 reviews. **Let's just say that the 10th reviewer will get some virtual CHICKEN AND BUBBLEGUM, got it? (I don't think you'd like duck…I mean, I tried it once and it was good, but hey, you'll be taking the word of someone who lives by the 10 second rule –you know, if you drop something, it's okay to pick it up and eat it as long as it hasn't been on the ground for more than 10 seconds) Anyways, ON WITH THE FIC! (slams into someone…wait a sec…is that you sasuke? No, it's my SANDMAN! Gaara! I LOVE YOU! XD)

------------------------------------------

Sasuke felt his eyebrow twitching again…actually, it wasn't just his eyebrow. Some other parts of his body were twitching too –for example, his mouth was twitching since he didn't know what to say about the "chicken/duck" insult. His hands were also twitching in an attempt to restrain himself from slapping the former evil but still hottie a.k.a. Itachi because he made Sakura blush…however, let us take a moment of silence to commemorate Sasuke's stupidity –he didn't even know why he wanted to slap Itachi! Of course, being the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE, the thought of even liking Sakura never crossed his mind. He just MINDLESSLY classified the Twitching of Hands Incident under the file of "1000 Ways to Respond to Itachi and Other Evil Brothers". However, we all know better (I hope…). Anyways, back to the story.

Sasuke finally stopped himself from slapping Itachi and saying anything, much to the relief of Sakura, who had been silently blushing all the time. Itachi, seeing this, grinned and managed to look even hotter. Sakura, knowing that the grin was aimed at her felt herself going tomato-red (think about how poor Hinata goes red right before she faints when she is close to Naruto…it's really sad though, because if she doesn't faint, I'm sure she and Naruto would make a really cute couple…no offense to any anti-Naruhina fans because I'm a pro-Naruhina fan, so, just don't flame me. Better yet, give me ideas of how I can add some Naruhina into this fic. Also, I might add some Nejiten, for all you Nejiten fans, so I might need some ideas for that too.)

Anyways, Sakura was flushing and tomato-red, and Sasuke finally took the time to register this. Sasuke, being the tomato-obsessed boy he is (why is he obsessed with tomatoes?), instantly thought of his favorite vegetable…er…fruit. Because Sasuke hadn't had breakfast, his stomach suddenly told his brain that he was out of gas. (STOP THINKING WHAT YOU ARE THINKING PEOPLE!) Anyways, when the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE is hungry, I'd like to add that he drools…A LOT. So, in this Kodak moment brought to you by me, the authoress, I'd like to tell you that Sasuke is drooling at Sakura, and Itachi is trying not to come up with some more chicken/duck/cockatoo jokes. (if you want to know about the cockatoo thing, read the reviews…XD) For example, one joke running in Itachi's amnesia cleared mind was "Why did the chicken cross the road?", which probably doesn't make sense to most of you (if it does, tell me why it's funny. I just thought of that and I laughed but I don't know why it's funny…I confuse myself sometimes…XD), but that joke clearly makes sense to former evil but now amnesia ridden hotties like Itachi –which was why is was sort of laughing …all by himself, while Sasuke and Sakura snapped out of their OOC moods.

Meanwhile, Tsunade watched all this with a sad expression on her face. Let us take a moment to pity this poor fifty-something year old woman with abnormally large breasts and a "youthful" looking face, as Gai and Lee would say. She is the Hokage, with lots of responsibilities and has to handle the whole village's problems, not to mention deal with weird anti-alcohol meetings filled with people dressed in pink and white robes. (I don't need to say that the majority of the members are men, too, do I?) However, now she is stuck with a formerly evil but still hot guy a.k.a. Itachi who is probably 5 times younger than him but she cannot help but check him out. It's a terribly sad thing when it comes to Tsunade's love life. Heck, she doesn't even remember half of her ex-s because she was drunk at the time they hooked up. However, let us proceed with the fic.

Anyways, Sakura and Sasuke were looking at the laughing Itachi with somewhat confused expressions. Tsunade, who didn't want to go to another anti-alcohol meeting because of her violent sake-deprived rants, quickly ended the very awkward situation.

"Sasuke, Sakura, the cabin that you're about to share with Itachi is near the marketplace, but somewhat near the woods. I'm leaving the grocery shopping to Itachi and Sasuke, and I'm leaving the buying of the necessities and home furnishings(toilet paper, light bulbs, furniture, etc.) to Sakura. I expect you to have settled in by the end of the week. Also, be sure to watch what you say, Sasuke and Sakura. And Itachi, please think of more appropriate nicknames, got it?"

Sasuke, Sakura, and Itachi all nodded and hurried out before they got scarred for life at the sight of Tsunade lovingly stroking the sake bottle.

------------------

Hey! Since I got 8 reviews last time, I'm going to post my author's note in the middle again, for those of you who don't bother to read what's at the beginning and the author's note at the end. Anyways, this is this chapter's author's note:

**If I don't get 13 reviews, I'll make this story get all angsty and …random…not that it isn't now, but you know what I mean, right?) Seriously, it's my dream to get more than 10 reviews.**

**(thank you, thank you…now back to the fic)**

**---------------------**

Anyways, the trio started making their way back to the cabin. While walking through the marketplace, they met up with Sai.

"Hey! Ugly! Rooster head!"

Sakura and Sasuke turned around, eyebrows twitching for possibly the fourth time that day. (Seriously people, it's not healthy if you have twitching body parts…) It seemed as if Itachi had met his new best friend.

"Really? I was thinking more of bubblegum and cockatoo…or maybe bubblegum and chicken/duck….hmmm…how about pinky?" Itachi glanced knowingly at Sai, who proudly nodded back.

"Those are really good nicknames. Which book did you read to achieve such kind and familiar names?"

Itachi shrugged. "I guess it's just a talent I have. By the way, what should I call you?"

Sai smirked. "Hmmm…well, the positive traits that I have are that I am very artistic and a very talented ninja. The negative traits are that people usually think that I am a Sasuke fanboy."

Itachi smiled. "Hmmm…this could be QUITE a challenge…I could name you Barney because you're still smiling 5 minutes into our conversation, but then I could call you Granny because you talk like an old person. I could also call you Mr. Itchy because of that orange book in your pocket authored by Jiraiya. Hmm…there's also the Inkperv…but then I'm not sure how everyone around us would respond to that…"

Sai's grin widened. "Hey, I could lend you my how-to-be-social-and-make-friends book to you!"

Sasuke and Sakura, not wanting to know where this conversation would end up, decided that it was time to drag Itachi away from Sai. However, before they left, Itachi managed to agree to stop by at Sai's sometime to pick up the book.

As they continued on their little walk, Itachi felt triumphant. This former-evil-but-still-hot guy had just made his first friend! Seriously, once you think about it, it's kind of hard to make friends when you're a guy who wears a cloak with flowers on it. It sort of scares people away even before they realize that you're evil. Fortunately, Tsunade, even in her sake-deprived state, had the fashion sense to dispose of the atrocious looking cloak before Itachi could even say the word "YOSH!". (don't ask…let's just say that Lee and Gai were in the building at that time and Itachi overheard them talking)

However, Itachi was snapped out of his triumphant mood when Sakura started giving out orders.

"Sasuke, Itachi, I think that it would be good if you guys started grocery-shopping. I'll go buy the necessities and then we'll all go back to the cabin, okay?"

Sasuke and Itachi didn't even get a chance to reply as Sakura skipped off, leaving the two GREAT UCHIHAS to think about what to buy for dinner. Sadly, Sakura did not know what was going to be in store for her.

-----------------------

Anyways, Sakura had just finished shopping for the necessities and for the home furnishings. Panting, she finally got to the cabin. (hey, if you have to drag along a whole dining set along with some female hygiene products, you tend to get tired) She opened the door and hoped that the guys weren't back yet since she wanted to see how big their new living quarters were and hoped that there was more than one bathroom since she DID NOT want to share a bathroom even with her BELOVED Sasuke. However, Sakura doesn't get what she wants as she sees that the guys have already made themselves at home.

"Where are the bathrooms?" Sakura asked.

Itachi and Sasuke stared, then realized why Sakura had made "bathroom" plural. Sasuke decided to speak for the two of them. "There's only one bathroom, but there's an outhouse outside."

Sakura thought about it, then came up with a plan –mostly payback for all the times Sasuke had ignored her and for Itachi for calling her Bubblegum. "Okay! I have an idea. The Uchiha clan is really noble, right?" she asked.

Sasuke, not knowing what she was getting at, replied, "Yes."

Sakura was beginning to like making Sasuke uncomfortable. "Then, those of the Uchiha clan are real gentlemen, aren't they?"

Sasuke did NOT like where this was going and was afraid to find out. However, he had his GREAT UCHIHA PRIDE to think about, and therefore said, "Yes."

Sakura smiled, knowing that she was about to win. "Then that means that you two are gentlemen and will let me use the bathroom while you guys use the outhouse, right? I mean, only the noble Uchihas would do such a generous deed, right?"

Sasuke stared at her, and started having a debate with his inner.

(if you guys didn't know yet, the bold type words are the Inners and the italics are the thoughts)

_Since when did she become this smart?_

Umm..Sasuke? She was always this smart. It's just that you just started paying attention to her. (Sasuke's Inner restrained himself from saying the obvious, "Duh!", knowing that Sasuke would just start screaming out loud and Sakura would think that Sasuke is weird…not that he wasn't "different" in the first place.)

_Ok…well, what should I do? And why can't we all share the bathroom?_

Maybe…it's that time of month again and think about it, you and Itachi might knock over some … um, female hygiene products.

_Hey! I wouldn't do that._

But Itachi would, and probably will.

_Fine…I'll let her use the bathroom, but only this once. I've already been scarred for life using outhouses…seriously, outhouses are smelly and usually attract animals at night, so if I took a leak at night, I could be attacked by a rabid squirrel…_

Don't tell me the great Uchiha Sasuke is afraid of a rabid squirrel… 

_But what if it bites me THERE?_

Let's end this conversation. I don't feel like talking to you anymore… 

_Hey!_

Sasuke snapped back to reality, not knowing that he had been staring at Sakura for 5 minutes while she waited for his reaction.

"Fine…you can use the bathroom."

Sakura grinned!

_Another victory! SHANNARO! _(sorry, but I just had to add that "shannaro" part…if you don't know what it means, pm me. )

Sadly, our poor Itachi fell asleep during the middle of the conversation and doesn't have any clue about the "bathroom/outhouse rules". Anyways, back to the story.

Sakura was getting hungry and decided to cook some dinner, after asking the two Uchihas and getting a "hn.." in reply. Sadly, when she opened the fridge, she saw that it was filled with….tomatoes and bubblegum. (don't ask me why there is bubblegum in the fridge…if you have an idea of why it's in there, pm me) Anyways, Sakura was starting to get ticked off.

"WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF THE GROCERY SHOPPING?"

She received a "yes" from both Uchihas.

"WHO BOUGHT THE TOMATOES?"

"umm….I did," Sasuke answered, afraid of what might happen.

"AND WHO BOUGHT THE BUBBLEGUM?"

Itachi smirked at Sakura and got up. "Why, I thought that you'd love bubblegum, Pinky. And plus, it's my favorite food!"

Sakura turned an unhealthy shade of red, once again, reminding the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE of tomatoes and of his empty stomach. It is no surprise then, that he should start drooling.

Sakura slowly backed away from Sasuke, as she turned back to her normal color. Taking a deep breath and counting to ten (techniques that she had learned in her anger management session with Tsunade), she became calm and cheery again.

"Ok! I know what to do! We'll have ramen tonight!"

Seeing no protests, Sakura went to her room to get changed. Since this was her first time in her new room, she checked to see which of the guys' rooms were near hers. It turned out that Sasuke's was next to hers and Itachi's across from Sasuke's. Processing this information, Sakura changed into something more casual –a blue baby tank top with some fishnet in …favorable….places and some ripped washed-out jeans. She then proceeded to go to the bathroom when she was saw Itachi coming out of it.

"I thought I said that the bathroom was mine, Itachi!" Sakura yelled.

Sadly, Sakura had no idea what she was in for.

"Hey Sakura! You're not pregnant, right?"

At this Sasuke's head snapped up, and although he told himself that it was a reflex, his Inner knew better. However, Sasuke decided to listen in on their conversation.

"Itachi…why would you think that?" Sakura said in a dangerous voice, "I'm sixteen!"

Itachi's voice sounded confused and strangled at the same time, "Then why do you have diapers in the bathroom?" Itachi asked, holding up an UNUSED (thank god…) pad to Sakura's face.

Sakura's face turned an unholy shade of red and purple while her eyebrow twitched furiously (there should seriously be a heart rate monitor attached to Sakura….seriously…).

However, Sakura soon realized that because Itachi had temporary amnesia, he had forgotten the –cough-sex ed. class-cough –that he had taken before he became An Evil Hottie. Sakura sighed, knowing that to explain to Itachi what happens every month is going to be pointless, managed to take the pad out of Itachi's hand without suffering from a major seizure. She also told him about her and Sasuke's conversation so he'd understand that they had made a deal. Surprisingly, she had not suffered a fit of epilepsy, which is a good thing.

Unfortunately, Sasuke's state of mind was … shall we say…scarred for life. His Inner took this as a good time to appear and so they started having a heated conversation.

I can't believe that just happened… 

Hey…it happens to the best of us…and since when did you know what happens every month to girls?

_Don't ask…it was a frightening experience, being in Kakashi and Gai's sex ed. class. _

I do not even want to THINK about that.

_Too bad…you have my memory archives in your hands right now and it's on that certain page._

AHHHHH! 

Sadly, Sasuke's Inner was so scarred that it made Sasuke start screaming out loud…which disrupted the rather unmentionable conversation Sakura was having with Itachi.

"You guys, we're leaving for dinner NOW," Sakura said, not wanting anything else to happen.

And so the two poor Uchihas were dragged all the way to Ichiraku's (is that the name of the ramen place? If not, tell me, ok?).

-------------------------------------------------

That was THE LONGEST chapter I have ever written. Seriously, this thing is ELEVEN pages long. (I know you all probably can write and longer chapters, but for me, this is a first. XD) But, anyways, if you want faster updates, REVIEW! My goal, if you read the author's note in the middle of the chapter, is to get to 13 reviews. If I do, I'll make this story even better (can you believe that?) and update more often. If I don't…then well I'll update when I'm bored…which will probably be sometime soon…XD….**anyways, the next chapter will center around Sai, Itachi, and Kakashi and the evil plans they make. …well….REVIEW!**


	4. The Terrible Song

Chapter 4

I would like to thank for all your AWESOME reviews! They totally encouraged me and I still can't believe it! Seriously, the reason I'm updating so soon is because you guys are so supportive! I'd like to thank i-have-issues-deal-with-it for being my tenth reviewer and all my other WONDERFULLY COOL reviewers! You all get virtual cookies! Anyways, my new goal is to have 27 reviews. I'll try to make this chapter as funny as possible and you guys can tell me what you think about it –you can include CRITICISM, COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, or just plain REVIEWS. Because if I reach my goals everytime, I'll guarantee that I'll update within 2 days, ok? Now, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd yell at Orochimaru for wearing purple lipstick and heavy eyeliner. Seriously…it's worse than Kankouro and his purple Revlon face paint –cough-make up-cough….

------------------------------------

"Okay, so what do you want to do now, Itachi?" Sakura asked as they all finished dinner at Ichikaru's. (thank you to MaoAyanamipl, one of my anonymous reviewers, who corrected my spelling.)

"Hmm…"Itachi sat thinking of the possibilites. He had always wanted to sneak into a bar. Seriuosly, in Konoha, if you're are really good ninja, you can sneak into ANYTHING. Seriously. I mean, if Naruto wants to peep at girls in the locker rooms and stuff, all he has to do is to transform into a girl. It's that easy. However, Naruto has other things on his mind at the moment –mainly Hinata, which is why he bumped into Itachi as he headed to his favorite ramen stand.

"Hey! What's your problem?" Itachi said, as he elbowed Naruto out of the way. Itachi was a little bit irritated that he lost his bet with Sasuke and couldn't finish his 65 bowls of ramen. As Sasuke had said, even Naruto couldn't eat that much. However, let us get back to the story.

While Itachi was thinking of what he should call this clumsy yet hungry blond idiot who had disturbed him, Naruto was wolfing down his 23rd bowl of ramen. Itachi suddenly had an idea.

"Hey! Ramen boy!"

Naruto managed to keep eating as he looked up to Itachi, acknowledging this amnesia-ridden ninja's existence. (yes, readers. Itachi's rank is now at about the same level as Konohamaru, basically because no one knows he's there yet…but let's move on with the story and not focus on Itachi's depression issues…it will probably make you depressed too, and then I won't have the hilarious climax we have all been waiting for.)

"What do you want?" Naruto asked, accomplishing only what people like Itachi and Chouji could dream of. He had just managed to chew on ramen and talk and drink the ramen-y soup at the same time without choking or being the target of various Heimlich maneuvers.

Itachi started speaking. "What's your record? Like what's the most amount of bowls of ramen have you finished?"

Naruto stopped eating and started thinking. At this rate, it will take about five minutes for him to reply, so let us focus on Sasuke here.

Sasuke had won his bet with Itachi and felt really proud of himself. However, he was getting quite bored, and after dealing with someone like Itachi all day and practicing what he would do if he was approached by a rabid animal in the outhouse at night, you could hardly blame him for falling asleep in his half-finished bowl of ramen. Hardly. Anyways, while Itachi was talking to Naruto, Sakura was trying to get Sasuke awake. She tried hitting him, slapping him, touching him (people, STOP THINKING WHAT YOU'RE THINKING…seriously, confuse yourselves…XD), but nothing worked. Then she thought of the perfect revenge for him..

She leaned up close to him, so close that she could smell his hair, which smelled like the air after a thunderstorm, and got even closer. Soon, her mouth was up to his ear as she whispered the magic word. (HA! You guys thought she was about to kiss him! Just wait and see what's going to happen…XD) She brought her mouth up and spoke so softly only he could hear her, and said, "Sasuke….tomatoes….red, juicy, plump, delicious, delectable tomatoes…"

And as you expected, Sasuke snapped up and started screaming unintelligible words. Actually he was just saying the word "tomato" but so fast that it sounded like "there's a dick up my toe…" Of course, Sakura had expected him to wake up but didn't expect that he'd be screaming something sounding like "there's a dick up my toe" so she started slapping him. Hard.

--------------------------

Anyways, by this time, Naruto has remembered the number of bowls he had eaten and was about to reply but the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE started screaming "there's a dick up my toe" and so he promptly forgot the number again and resorted to counting his fingers and toes. Luckily, Itachi had lost interest in Naruto by then (not that way, people…) and Hinata had arrived. Naruto instantly tried looking smart (and failed) and to cover up his mistake, introduced her to Itachi.

"Hey!"

"Hi.."

Blink.

Blink.

Cricket.

Chirp.

"WHY CAN'T THE STUPID BIRDS SHUT UP!" It seemed as if Sakura had officially stopped slapping Sasuke.

Itachi, trying to break the awkward silence finally suggested his idea of sneaking into the bar. Needless to say, everyone agreed (even Hinata..XD) except a certain SASUKE….

As the group started making their way to the bar, they were stopped by none other than THE INFAMOUS INKPERV! (XD) Anyways, Sai joined the group and he was soon talking to Itachi.

"So…"

"Do you have that book you said you were going to show me?"

"Yes…there's also a little surprise in there. It comes from my own collection."  
Itachi opened the book and saw a little orange cover peeking out.

"Hey inkperv, I never knew you were THAT much of a closet perv (if you guys don't get Sai's nickname yet, it's because Sai is an artist, therefore the ink, and a closet perv, therefore the perv, get it? XD)

"Well, the only reason people don't know is because if word gets around to Sakura, I'll end up paralyzed for life…"

"Really? Hmm…I wonder if Sakura has an inner perv…that would be payback for yelling at me about the negatives of bubblegum…" Itachi thought out loud to Sai.

"You're right…how about Sasuke? I bet he's drooling for Sakura inside."

"How do we find out?"

"How do we make it public?"

Itachi grinned. "I have an idea."

After a couple of minutes of planning, Sai spoke up.

"Itachi, it seems as if you're my new best friend."

Itachi smiled a knowing smile.

Anyways, the two pervs finally realized that they were at the bar and began to put their plan in action. Seeing Kakashi, Sai went and told him their plan. While they were talking, people moved slowly away from them, seeing as they were all pervs and were all giggling. Seriously people, it's a scary sight when pervs giggle over something. And what they giggle over might just scar your mind.

Meanwhile, Sakura was talking to Hinata and Sasuke was talking, or rather, insulting Naruto. After about an hour, Sai, Itachi, and Kakashi put their plan in action.

-------------------

Kakashi ambled drunkenly over to where Sakura and Sasuke were sitting. He leaned over to Sakura, "feeling her up". (don't worry people, this is NOT going to be a kaksak fic…seriously, I'm not like that…XD…sorry to all of you kakasak fans out there)

"How's it going, Saaakkkura," Kakashi dragged out her name, giving more proof that he was drunk.

Sakura turned the color of a plum, which is even more unhealthy. Seriously, she's a medic, and shouldn't she learn how to monitor her heart rate? Anyways, let us continue with the story.

"Um…Kakashi? What are you doing?" Sakura looked around for help, especially at Sasuke, who seemed to be ignoring her. However, we ALL know that he is having a debate with his Inner because of the way his face is turning red…and yes, as red as a tomato.

_What should I do? Should I help her out? Or should I just let her handle it. I mean, she does have super strength and what if she hits me in the face instead? I'll be ruined! The Uchiha handsomeness will be ruined!_

**Yo! Think, dude. Of course you should help her out! She doesn't seem to be handling it really well, don't you think? Otherwise, Kakashi's butt would be on the moon right now. And about the face part, you can always ask Tsunade for some jutsus to heal that.**

_But it wouldn't be natural!_

**What wouldn't be natural? Kakashi's butt on the moon? Because I agree with you. If Kakashi was on the moon, then it'd be raining Itcha Itcha Paradise novels.**

_NO! I meant my face being handsome-nized again with some of Tsunade's jutsus. I mean, what if I grow a pair of boobs on my face instead? Because that's what most of Tsunade's jutsus are for –to grow boobs._

**Sasuke…please…I'm embarrassed that you're my Outer. Seriously, just go help out Sakura.**

However, Sai had already gotten there, much to Sasuke's dismay. (guess what? I'm building my vocabulary! Isn't that awesome? –cough-sarcasm-cough) Anyways, while Sasuke was debating with his Inner, Sai spiked both of their drinks secretly and also comforted Sakura, saying that he'd take care of it. Poor Sakura was already scarred for life after her old sensei started hitting on her that she agreed. After completing the first stage of the plan, Sai picked up the "drunken" Kakashi and walked back to where Itachi was sitting.

"I am NEVER going to do that again. Seriously, I know that Sakura has that whole thing going on, but she was my student!" Kakashi mumbled.

"Don't worry, Kakashi. It'll definitely be worth it when we see what happens, okay?" Itachi tried calming down Kakashi.

Meanwhile, Sasuke and Sakura were a little drunk. Wait…scratch that…they were VERY drunk. And because none of the PREVIOUS GREAT UCHIHAS had ever been drunk, this was a particularly new experience for our poor Sasuke. Let us take a moment to pity the Uchiha clan, who castrated those who ever got drunk. (but hey, no one's going to castrate Sasuke here, right? –winks-Seriously, then Sakura wouldn't be an Uchiha-making machine! XD )

Anyways, Sasuke started acting pretty scaring, considering that he was drunk. For an example, while Kakashi were on their second step, Sasuke started acting VERY OOC. Seriously. Now, let's get back to the story.

Sai walked up to Sakura, who was more than a little drunk.

"So…Sakura, what's up?"

"Nuuuthiing much….how about youuuu, Sai?" Sakura winked at Sai flirtatiously.

While Sai fought down the urge to throw up at flirting with "Ugly", he proceeded as planned.

"Nothing…so, Sakura, tell me about your life so far?" Sai couldn't think up of ways to flirt since he hadn't read the third installment of how-to-make-friends-and-girlfriends. However, he was trying his best to make Sasuke act OOC and jealous. And guess what? The good news is that Sasuke was acting OOC. The bad news was that he wasn't jealous…yet.

Anyways, people started getting scarred for life. Seriuosly. Sasuke had gone over to Kakashi and Itachi and half-dragged Sai over there. Then, because Sasuke was drunk, he was super-strong (don't ask me why) so he somehow dragged the three to the dreaded place…

It was true. It was happening. It was mind-scarring. Sasuke was now officially drunk.

How do we know? Well…

Sasuke dragged the three guys up onto a platform in the back of the bar usually reserved for karaoke nights. He beckoned to the confused bartender and somehow forced him to change tonight as karaoke night.

Then, Sasuke stood up and started singing, and managed to force the other three to sing.

-------------

Before you reach the terrible song that Sasuke is about to sing, please read this author's note. XD

Anyways, my new goal is to have 27 reviews. I'll try to make this chapter as funny as possible and you guys can tell me what you think about it –you can include CRITICISM, COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, or just plain REVIEWS. Because if I reach my goals everytime, I'll guarantee that I'll update within 2 days, ok? Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

---------------------

recap

Sasuke dragged the three guys up onto a platform in the back of the bar usually reserved for karaoke nights. He beckoned to the confused bartender and somehow forced him to change tonight as karaoke night.

Then, Sasuke stood up and started singing, and managed to force the other three to sing.

End recap

--------------------------

_You are my fire  
The one desire  
Believe when I say  
I want it that way_

But we are two worlds apart  
Can't reach to your heart  
When you say  
That I want it that way

By this time, Itachi was in the fetal position, Sai was sucking his thumb, and Kakashi was on autopilot, spouting out random sentences from Itcha Itcha Paradise that I probably shouldn't type out or the rating for this would go up. However, Sasuke kept on singing, and no, I'm not going to type out the rest of the lyrics –my mind has already been scarred enough.

The audience started clutching their heads as Sasuke started on the second verse…

"Please!"

"Stop!"

Finally, Sasuke's song ended and everyone was basically scarred for life. However, Sasuke was too drunk to care. Kakashi, Sai, and Itachi were still suffering from severe brain damage, but their plan DID sort of work…

"SASUKE! THAT WAS THE BEST!" Sakura yelled. She had begun playing strip poker with a very drunk Hinata and Naruto. The game wasn't going anywhere though, because Naruto and Hinata were too busy making out. Seriously, Hinata should drink more often because she hasn't fainted yet. Anyways, Sasuke started having weird feelings because although Naruto and Hinata were making out, they were still winning the game so Sakura was basically topless…and yeah…I won't go into the details.

Anyways, Sasuke had the bright idea to join and jumped down from the stage and started playing…and losing…seriously, although an Uchiha is great at everything, it's different when he's drunk. That's why drunk Uchihas get castrated –to prevent them from failing anything…well..back to the story

Sasuke and Sakura were having a grand old time while Sai, Itachi, and Kakashi were recovering.

"We…are…never…going…to…spike…their…drinks…AGAIN!" Kakashi stated, panting from the effort to restrain himself from screaming like a girl.

"You're…right…"Sai said, between gasps. Unfortunately, he had been screaming like a girl moments ago.

"So, what song should we sing next? How about Barbie Girl?" Itachi asked, completely recovering from The Song That Shall Never Be Mentioned.

"NO!" Sai and Kakashi yelled in unison.

"I …uh…think it's time that you bring Sakura and Sasuke home. Our plan to hook them up together sort of worked now that they're playing strip poker (see! That's their evil plan! They were planning to spike their drinks to see what would happen. Unfortunately, it sort of backfired. XD). But we'll help you carry them home, but here's the plan…We lay them both on the same bed and tomorrow morning, have them think that something happened, got it?"

Itachi smiled. It was going to be a long, fun night.

Needless to say, all hell was going to break lose the next morning…

--------

So what do you think? This chapter is eleven pages AGAIN! Seriously, you guys are making me work! Anyways, REVIEW! Remember, my goal is to have 27 reviews. If I don't reach it, then I probably won't update till I'm bored…but I'm sure you already know that by now –it's a win-win situation for you guys. But still, I'd really like to hear what you think and if you can come up with any suggestions, PLEASE tell me.

Anyways, the next chapter will …well, the ending of this one already gave it away, right? But I will add one thing: it's going to be Lee to the rescue!_  
_


	5. Padded, Rabid Squirrels

Chapter 5

Hey everybody! I sort of got tired waiting for all of the reviews (as usual…) and so I decided to update. I had a couple of pretty good ideas for this one and I wanted to fit it all in so I'm sorry if this chapter is sort of rushed. I'm going to try to make it at least 8 pages thought, ok? Anyways, my new goal is to get 31 reviews, okay? Here's the plan: when I update later on, the latest reviewer will get a big surprise, okay? (…and no, I'm not telling…you guys will just have to be the latest reviewer to find out…I probably will tell you guys next chapter though…XD) Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd be able to have my own free Konoha forehead protector…however, I don't, which is why I'm saving up….

----------------------

That night… 

Itachi and the others lay Sakura and Sasuke in Sakura's bedroom, with Sasuke on top of Sakura.

"I can't wait to see what happens!" Itachi said as he, Kakashi, and Sai exited the room and went home.

---------------------

That morning…

The sun was barely up when Uchiha Sasuke woke up. However, something felt…different. He turned around and lo and behold! Sakura was sleeping peacefully beside him.

_What the heck happened last night?_

Umm…I don't know…god, I have the WORST hangover ever….so do you… 

_Wait…I was drunk?_

**Everything is…circular….**

What's wrong with you? You're supposed to be helping me out here! Hey, it's hard to think when you have to go and if you have a hangover… 

_Oh yeah…I have to use the outhouse…I hope there aren't any rabid animals there…_

**I hope something DID happen last night.**

I don't know whether to be happy that I did it with Sakura or scared that she's going to kill me when she wakes up.

Shut up…I gotta go! Hey! I'm going to the outhouse as fast as I can, okay? Fine… 

Sasuke ended the conversation with his Inner as he stepped into the outhouse. He was greeted to the smell of…well…rotten poop and tried not to hurl as well.

Anyways, Sasuke was just in the middle of "relieving" himself when his nightmares came true. He was humming the tune of "I Want It That Way" and had no idea why but vaguely remembered singing it a while ago when he glanced around and saw something in the doorway.

It.

Was.

A.

Squirrel.

Sasuke tried not to …um… how should I say this? I'm a girl?…..Sasuke tried not to mis-aim while he attempted to get rid of the abnormally large squirrel. Because Sasuke's hands were…um…"full" , he was "shhhooooo"-ing the squirrel in a try to scare it away. However, it wasn't working.

The squirrel got closer.

Sasuke activated his Sharingan….

It better not be rabid…(his Inner wasn't replying because it was too busy concentrating on…well…other things…) 

…and saw that the squirrel was frothing at the mouth.

"Oh god…(Inner: **Who is this "god"?) **the squirrel is rabid…"

Apparently, Sasuke's voice angered the squirrel (what wouldn't anger a rabid squirrel?) and it came closer…

"Good squirrel….you're a good squirrel….why don't you go and eat some acorns and nuts….(that came out a little wrong if you know what I mean…XD)…"

Of course, that angered the rabid squirrel even more because it thought that Sasuke had said, "Bad squirrel…you'll never be a good squirrel…why don't you eat some acorns and not nuts because you're half nuts…."

Anyways…

The.

Rabid.

Squirrel.

Got.

Closer.

And.

Closer.

The bad news was that Sasuke wasn't done "relieving himself"….the good news is…that I'VE SAVED 15 OFF MY CAR INSURANCE! (oops…that's the gecko that says that and not the squirrel…)

The squirrel got so close that Sasuke could hear the squirrel mutter something unintelligible. Then, it promptly bit at the part of Sasuke that was exposed.

Yes, people…

The.

Squirrel.

Bit.

Sasuke.

THERE… (god that must be painful…that's why you should NEVER use outhouses, even if you're a girl because there might be flies living IN the toilet…eew…) Anyways, back to the story.

Fortunately, Sasuke had managed to relieve himself just in time and there was no mis-aiming anywhere, thank god, (Inner Sasuke: **Who is this "god" you speak of?**) and Sasuke managed to make it back to the cabin where he went to HIS room and away from the still-sleeping Sakura and tended to his where he was bitten. He promptly fell asleep.

-----------------

"SASUKE! WAKE UP!" Sakura was yelling. Sasuke immediately sat up on the bed, ignoring the pain that shot through his…um…wound. Sasuke listened for any hints of Sakura being angry or fangirl-ish.

Why isn't she acting differently? I mean, I'd act differently if I got laid while I was drunk.

But you aren't acting differently are you? 

_Hey! You're finally back! Where were you when I got bit by that rabid squirrel? You could have…I don't know…done something…._

**Look, I had a hangover, and you do too, so you better tell Sakura to keep her voice quiet or else you'll be suffering big time…**

"I'm waking up…" Sasuke tried standing up but felt a bit dizzy from his hangover….everything seemed…circular….(déjà vu, right? XD)

Sakura appeared at his door, looking as bad as he did, but she was still yelling. "Wake up!"

"You don't have to yell…you're getting as bad as the dobe…."

"I'm not yelling! This is just the result of your hangover. Everything will seem loud and…er…circular for the day. It should wear off in a couple of hours…" Sakura said. It was useful to be a medic nin sometimes.

"Anyways, I made a potion that lessens the extent of hangovers. Want some?"

Sasuke nodded his head weakly and made his way to the kitchen. However, he was unprepared for the sight of Itachi is a pink frilly apron with flowers on it.

"Itachi, that's worse than your old cloak…" Sasuke muttered. He received a bonk on the head that didn't help his hangover from Sakura.

"We're not supposed to talk about his past, remember?" Sakura hissed.

"Hmm?" Itachi was too busy flipping pancakes to listen to them.

"Nothing…where's that potion Sakura?" Sasuke was a little irritated that he just got hit in the head by Sakura.

She's supposed to APOLOGIZE! 

**Maybe she's just mad that you and her ended up….in the same bed….**

She's supposed to be GRATEFUL! Do you know how many fangirls would die to be in the same bed as me? Scratch that. They'd die to be in my bed!

Hmmm…but more fangirls would die for Neji… Do…not…speak…about…him… What? He has a bigger fanclub than you… 

Ok, shut up….

Sasuke ended his conversation with his Inner and took the potion that Sakura had handed to him.

"So…" Sakura and Sasuke turned to look at Itachi, "congratulations, you guys! I can't believe you guys had the guts to get it on last night…" Itachi snickered, putting his evil plan into action.

Sakura blinked. "Wait…what happened last night? I was in my own bed this morning….and no one was in it…especially Sasuke…."

Sasuke coughed, "I ….er…had to use the outhouse at dawn and then I went back to my room…" Sasuke looked uncomfortable as Sakura started twitching. This was not going to be good.

Luckily, the doorbell rang, saving Sasuke from an inevitable doom.

I will seriously love the person who just rang the doorbell.

Sakura got up and answered the door.

"Oh! Hi Lee! What's up?"

Sasuke face-faulted.

Hahahaha! It seems like the blossom of love is in the air! Oh how I love youth! You're beginning to sound like Lee, whom I do NOT love… 

Sasuke was interrupted from his conversation with his Inner by a weird feeling that he was being stared at. He looked up. Apparently, Itachi's eyes were on the part of his anatomy that had been bitten by a rabid squirrel earlier.

"Sasuke…"

"Hn…"

"I know this may sound weird, but Tsunade said that I had a brother…"

"I know…I'm your brother…"

"Um…technically, I think you're my sister…" Itachi's face began turning red.

"WHAT did you just say?"

"Well, um…look down…"

Sasuke looked down, and saw to his embarrassment that he was bleeding THERE and it was leaking through his pants.

Thank god Sakura didn't see that…by the way, who is this "god'? 

Right now, that's the least of our concerns. I need to make sure that there will be a new generation of Uchihas.

Again, Sasuke was interrupted from his conversation with his Inner. This time, it was because Sakura and Lee had entered the kitchen.

What do I do now? What if she notices it? However, Sasuke's Inner was frozen in fear of what would happen… 

Anyways, Sasuke snapped out of his fear-triggered trance and heard Lee say that he was going to use the bathroom. Sakura, to Sasuke's surprise, did not object.

Sasuke stood up.

"Hey! Why does he get to use the bathroom? I mean, I was stuck in the freaking outhouse with a rabid squirrel that bit my…" Sasuke trailed off, not wanting to go into the morbid details.

"Where did it bite you? I can heal you, Sasuke, I'm a medic nin. You can tell me," Sakura said. She then started flushing and pointing at Sasuke's….um….lower regions.

"Sasuke, is it your time of month or something? Wait…that only happens to girls…Sasuke…are you a girl?" Sakura started twitching violently and was currently hyperventilating.

Sasuke started breaking out in a cold sweat.

Luckily, Lee chose this time to make a grand entrance into the kitchen.

"Sakura! Your bathroom speaks of YOUTH! Yosh!" Lee then started blushing, looking at Sasuke.

"Oy Sasuke! What is the matter! I heard that you were with Sakura last night but I didn't think that you'd go that far! Or that Sakura was that…pushy! Wait…" Lee scratched his head. "Isn't that only supposed to happen to females?" Lee began panicking. "NO! It cannot be! Sasuke is a girl and Sakura is a boy! NO! This is so UNYOUTHFUL!" Lee started crying, with rivers of tears streaming from his face.

Sasuke started to explain but ended up yelling himself.

"NO PEOPLE! I AM A GUY AND SAKURA IS A GIRL!"

Lee got out of his crying state, "Then why are you bleeding…" Lee looked down at the spot where a big splotch of red was appearing on Sasuke's pants.

"BECAUSE I WAS BITTEN BY A RABID SQUIRREL IN THE OUTHOUSE! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO USE THE FREAKING BATHROOM, SAKURA!"

Everybody sweatdropped besides Sasuke at the mention of rabid squirrels.

"What? It really happened!"

Lee, convinced that Sasuke was telling the truth, declared, "YOSH! I have a plan! Wait right here!" He then rushed to the bathroom, leaving behind a laughing Itachi, a scared Sakura, and a VERY embarrassed Sasuke.

"Um…Sasuke?"

"WHAT?" Apparently, Sasuke was still ticked off.

Sakura backed up against the wall near Itachi, who wasn't paying attention at all since he was too busy laughing.

"I'm sorry I thought you were a girl…"

"Hn…"

Thankfully, Lee had come back from the bathroom with….

----------------------------

If you want to know what Lee came back with, you're going to have to read the Author's Note. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M SO EBIL! (ebil is evil in my language…XD) So, here it is:

Anyways, my new goal is to get 31 reviews, okay? Here's the plan: when I update later on, the latest reviewer will get a big surprise, okay? (…and no, I'm not telling…you guys will just have to be the latest reviewer to find out…now, ON WITH THE FIC!

--------------------

Anyways, where were we? Oh, I remember.

Thankfully, Lee had come back from the bathroom. However, he was holding a big bag of Always™ maxi pads, the overnight ones.

"Yosh! I have the youthful plan! Sasuke will use these youthful pads that I got from Sakura's youthful bathroom!"

"And what will I do with them?" Sasuke managed to say through clenched teeth.

"You will use these useful objects to stop the leaking!" Lee declared, oh so youthfully.

Sakura and Itachi stared.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp.

Zap.

This time, Sakura didn't even bother to yell. Apparently, she had installed an electric thing around her yard that fried every bird that came to close.

"Looks like we're having fried chicken for lunch, you guys," smirked Itachi.

Sakura managed to smirk, too. "That sounds like a good idea, Lee. Sasuke, why don't you put them on?"

Sasuke managed to restrain himself from puking his guts out.

"Sure…"

He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, waddling like…well…a chicken. (it sorta goes well with the chicken/duck/cockatoo hair, doesn't it? XD)

Sakura and Itachi started another giggling fit while Lee looked on, not getting it.

"Don't even say anything," Sasuke glared at the three of them, especially Lee, for making him do the unthinkable.

Naruto better not find out about this… I wouldn't be thinking about that now… 

Oh yeah…I have to think of my Uchiha pride….

Umm…no…why don't you CHANG E YOUR PANTS FIRST! 

Apparently, Sasuke was still wearing the stained pants.

"Great…" Sasuke headed to his bedroom to change.

Meanwhile, Sakura went outside to check on what kind of bird she managed to fry.

"Looks like we'll have to eat out for lunch, you guys," She said as she came back in and as Sasuke came out of his bedroom in some new jeans, "It seems like it was only a pigeon…"

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp.

Sakura ran outside again and the others could hear her scream from outside that she had a fried chicken. It seemed as if they were eating lunch at the cabin after all.

Itachi finally stopped giggling. He turned around to the stove as he smelled something weird…

"HOLY SHIT THE PANCAKES ARE BURNING!"

----------------------------

So, what do you think? I REALLY want to have 33 reviews, and as you read in the author's note, the latest reviewer gets a big surprise in the next chapter, okay? Anyways, please REVIEW and tell me what you think, ok? You can COMMENT, ASK QUESTIONS, OR JUST PLAIN SUPPORT ME, okay? Anyways, till next time! Ja ne!


	6. Spa Time!

Chapter 6

Hey! Did you guys miss me? (snuggles) Sorry I didn't update over the weekend and on Friday –I was playing water polo at the local pool and I had some family stuff over the weekend. Anyways, I was over my friend's house yesterday and I sort of had an idea –we were spinning around and jumping on couches and killing each other with pillows…XD….I was also working on a new fanfic, "Attack of the Inners" and brainstorming ideas for my other fanfic "Starry Starry Night". Because of my other fics, I'm probably going to update every other day from now on, okay? Anyways, thank you to my latest reviewer, avanaru. Your surprise is…(drumroll)

You get to think up of an incident (funny, romantic, angst, action-y, whatever….i'd prefer either funny/romantic but it's up to you) and I'll somehow fit it into this story, okay? Let me know soon, though, so I can plan this out, okay? I'll also let the readers know when it's going to happen, for all my faithful reviewers and readers.

Anyways….I'm really bored right now and I have a couple of ideas so that's why I'm updating –I really wanted 30 reviews (sniffs…)…but whatever…I guess you can't always get what you want….

Anyways, ON WITH THE FIC! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Otherwise, Orochimaru wouldn't have his eyeliner pencils with him…

-------------------

"HOLY SHIT! THE PANCAKES ARE BURNING!" Itachi started screaming out loud while Sakura, Sasuke, and Lee just stared.

Seconds passed but they were all motionless, probably because Konoha doesn't have any fire extinguishers and people usually don't set their house on fire because of burning pancakes.

Anyways…

Sasuke did what first came to his mind.

"Gokakyu no Jutsu!" He yelled.

Sadly, it seemed as if hangovers affected Sasuke's thinking processing because that jutsu was a fire one, causing the fire to spread.

"SASUKE! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" Sakura was screaming at the top of her lungs. "DO YOU WANT THE CABIN TO BURN DOWN? THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN NARUTO SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE!"

Meanwhile, Itachi was about to run away from the fire when Sakura turned to him.

"AND WHAT ABOUT YOU! HOW CAN SOMEONE BURN PANCAKES?"\

Itachi was scared, "HEY! IT'S NOT EVERYDAY YOU FIND OUT THAT YOUR BROTHER MIGHT BE YOUR SISTER! AT LEAST HE'S NOT! I MEAN, NOW THAT HE'S SLEPT WITH YOU AND ALL…"

"HE WHAT?" Sakura turned around. "SASUKE…" Suddenly, her eyes were replaced by flames as she started to walk slowly towards him.

Luckily, Lee saved Sasuke again, for the third time that morning.

"SAKURA! DON'T DO IT! IT'S NOT YOUTHFUL! WE MUST QUENCH THE FIRE'S UNYOUTHFUL THIRST FIRST!"

Sakura snapped out of her "anger state" and focussed on the topic on hand; however, she didn't spare Itachi when he said, "wow…she definitely needs some anger management…"

Sakura snapped back, "Hey! I wouldn't look too happy there since SOMEONE'S bubblegum collection might be burnt if we don't put the fire out.."

That made both Uchihas fully understand the seriousness of the situation.

"MY TOMATOES!"

"MY BUBBLEGUM!"

And, of course, they didn't help out Sakura put out the fire as she expected. Instead, they both rushed to the fridge and began hauling it outside. Having done their task, they started laying down on the lawn while Sakura was stuck with Lee in the BURNING, WOODEN cabin. Fortunately, they made it out just in time as the cabin collapsed behind them.

"WHAT WERE YOU TWO DOING?"

"…"

"…"

Cricket.

Cricket.

Silence. (It was about time the birds learned not to mess with Sakura…XD)

Itachi chose to speak first, and tried to make himself look hot so Sakura would overlook it and apologize for yelling at his hotness. However, all he accomplished was looking like a constipated turtle...(seriously people, you do NOT want to see that ever happen…).

"We were…uh…helping you save the food, Sakura…"

Unfortunately, Sakura was beyond reason at this point…

"SASUKE! ITACHI! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"

And that's basically how Itachi, and Sasuke looked like beat up turtles and chickens/ducks/cockatoos when Sakura brought them to Tsunade's office.

"And THAT'S when they started hauling the fridge out and leaving me and Lee in there. FORTUNATELY," the boys cringed –I guess it wasn't so fortunate that Sakura survived after all. Sakura continued, "we got out just in time to see Itachi and Sasuke laying down next to the fridge, STROKING it's side," Sakura began punching the wall behind the two Uchihas. After about 5 minutes, it seemed as if it was about to collapse.

Tsunade sighed, "And this has all happened after ONE day? How about this? You three go to the local spa and rest up. By the time you come back here at midnight, I expect all your wounds healed, Itachi and Sasuke, and I want you to be calm, Sakura. When you come back, I'll give you a new place to stay and this time, I'LL take care of the groceries, okay?"

The three gulped and then nodded –no one wanted to be on Tsunade's bad side today because it was there was a sake tournament that Tsunade had to miss because of the piles of paperwork on her desk.

"Fine, now GET OUT!"

They literally ran for the door, but could hear Tsunade laugh as she took out her secret stash of sake out before they left.

---------------------------------------------

"Sakura…look, we're sort of sorry…" Sasuke eyebrows began twitching as he tried apologizing as they walked toward the spa. So far, Sakura had been ignoring them and was stomping, not knowing that she was using chakra to enhance her power, and leaving a trail of deep craters from Tsunade's office to the spa.

Sakura spun around violently as both Uchihas flinched.

"It's alright…Sasuke…I mean, now that we're at the spa and we're going to have massages and makeovers, I guess it's going to be alright!" Sakura smiled sweetly at him, causing Sasuke's stomach to flip.

_Wow…wasn't she mad a minute ago?_

**Yo. Girls have mood swings…haven't you noticed that?**

_Oh yeah…I forgot it was THAT time of month again, which was why she wanted the bathroom all to herself. I guess that's why Itachi thought she was pregnant._

**No duh…I thought you already knew that….**

_Yeah…but it started clicking a minute ago…anyways, why is she still smiling?_

**I don't think she's smiling at you….**

Sasuke started. He looked around and saw that his Inner was right. Sakura was happily talking to the guy that had come outside to greet them. It turned out that they were at the spa already.

"So, Ms. Beautiful. Are you coming here for your spa? I'd be happy to offer you a massage, on the house," The guy who called himself Tomoke was happily flirting with Sakura while Itachi and Sasuke watched on.

Itachi stared. He HAD to get his plan working again. Sakura didn't deserve to be with that guy, according to him.

Sasuke started cracking his knuckles. What the heck was happening there?

"Hey! Sakura!" Itachi wanted to break this up fast, so he could get on with his plan. "We're finally here! Hey Sasuke, I think that your girlfriend is happy again."

At the mention of "girlfriend", Sakura and Sasuke turned to Itachi.

"We're not…"

"Wait…."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"What are you talking about?"

Itachi grinned. It seemed as if it was working, "You know, Sakura. I already told you about what happened last night. You were with Sasuke….

All..

Night…

Long…"

At this, Tomoke's grin faded. Itachi smirked in victory and hooked his arms with Sasuke and Sakura.

"Now, let's go! I can't wait for my massage!" Itachi winked at Tomoke suggestively while Tomoke started coughing and inwardly puking. Seriuosly, there's nothing worse than having a former evil but still hot guy wink at you. Especially if he happened to be wearing a pink frilly apron. It seemed as if Itachi had forgotten to take it off after the pancake incident.

-------------------------

Sasuke's and Itachi's massages and back rubs were done and they were both waiting for Sakura. Itachi started putting his plan into action.

"Hey, Sasuke. I gotta go to the bathroom…"

"Hn…" It seemed as if Sasuke had turned back to his normal chicken/duck/cockatoo self again.

Itachi walked towards the bathroom but quickly scanned the area. Sasuke was meditating with his eyes closed, and there wasn't a spa attendant in sight.

_Yes! Finally! Some action!_ Inner Itachi thought. (you won't be seeing much of Inner Itachi since his Inner is basically who he is at this point in the story…)

He crept towards the room where Sakura was in the jacuzzi.

Nude.

----------------------

To find out what happens next, you MUST read this author's note. It's very IMPORTANT, okay? So, here goes:

I'm going to start a new policy from now on, okay? From now on, for every review I get, I'm going to right a page.

Got it? Good. XD Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

----------------------------------------

recap

_Itachi crept towards the room where Sakura was in the jacuzzi. _

_Nude._

End recap

------------------------------

Itachi, being the amnesia-ridden perv that he is, had brought a small digital camera and began taking pictures of Sakura as she was in the steamy room.

After about 20 pictures, Itachi's nose started to bleed as he stayed in his spot. Suddenly, someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around.

"Itachi, I thought you were going to the bathroom…" Sasuke glared at his brother.

"Yeah…I sort of got…lost?" Itachi was too busy trying to stop his nosebleed to make up an excuse.

Sasuke leaned in and whispered, "If you keep this up, your camera is going to die…"

Itachi gulped, "Hey, you can look too if you want! Plus, this is going to be in Icha Icha Paradise so you can have a sneak peek for yourself…"

Sasuke started having a debate with his Inner.

_Should I or not?_

**Should you do what?**

_Should I peek?_

**Of course! It's SAKURA we're talking about. She has her own FAN CLUB now. This is like a golden OPPORTUNITY!**

_Got it._

_But wait…_

_What if she catches me?_

She won't…I hope….and you can always say it was Itachi anyways… 

_Good idea._

Sasuke quickly nodded at Itachi, who grinned in return.

--------------------------

After about 10 minutes, they started pinching their noses.

---------------------------

Then, Sakura started getting out of the pool.

Blood started pouring from both Uchihas' noses. They quickly ran back to the waiting room, and their noses started to stop bleeding.

"Hey Sasuke! Itachi! Let's go out to eat tonight before we report to Tsunade, okay?" Apparently, Sakura was in a good mood.

They all walked out the building and looked out into the sky, which was illuminated by the stars.

"It's so…"

"Beautiful…"

Sasuke finished Sakura's sentence and they both looked at each other and blushed. Their faces got closer until they could feel each other's breath.

"Yo! I'm still here! Get a room you two!" Itachi was happy that his plan had worked. "Or do you want me to tell you what happened last night, mmm Sasuke? Sakura?"

His smirk was met by twitches and knuckles cracking.

"Ummm…guys?"

They started chasing him.

"HE'S GOING TO PAY!"

----------------------------------

Itachi stopped running, after being chased by Sasuke and Sakura for about an hour.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!"

Sakura slowed down.

"You better be! Now let's go to Ichiraku's. I'm starving…"

Sakura's stomach made itself known by grumbling while Sasuke and Itachi tried to keep themselves from laughing.

"I'll race ya!" Itachi started running to Ichiraku's while Sasuke and Sakura ran to catch up.

----------------------------------

Kakashi and Sai stepped out of the shadows.

"Phase two, complete!" they slapped each other five.

Knowing that Itachi's plan was working, they headed off to Ichiraku's, promising themselves that by the end of this night, all of their friends would be hooked up. (this includes nejiten and naruhina, all you nejiten and naruhina fans…XD)

------------------------------------------

So, how do you like it? I'm going to start a new policy from now on, okay? From now on, for every review I get, I'm going to right a page. So, if I get 10 reviews for this chapter, I'll type 10 pages, for the next chapter, okay? Anyways, REVIEW and tell me WHAT YOU THINK, okay? Ja ne!


	7. Emergency Exits

Chapter 7

Hey! I promised you some fluff in this chapter so you'll get it…if my favorite pervs don't make up a plan that backfires like last time, okay? Anyways, I was SO HAPPY when I got 10 reviews. I was like, MY READERS LOVE ME! You guys are seriously awesome. And guess what? I have a new idea for this chapter. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyways, I'd like to thank all of you who gave me ideas and I would like to add that there PROBABLY will be some inoshikatema in this fic but I'm not sure yet –I love the pairing but I can't imagine anything happening when I write about them so if you have any ideas, feel free to PM me, okay?

Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

Disclaimer: Like one wise person said, if I owned Naruto, I'd own Gaara…and Sasuke. And if I owned both of them, I'd own their bodies. And if I owned their bodies….oo lala, you do NOT want to know what I would do to them. XD However, I don't own Naruto so Gaara and Sasuke aren't waiting in my room for me. :(

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, Itachi beat Sakura and Sasuke to Ichiraku's. Sasuke, being the egotistical Uchiha he is, pointed out that Itachi was in prime condition while he was worn out from…a rabid squirrel bite. (one of my reviewers told me that rabies is highly fatal and if I don't heal Sasuke soon, he's going to die from a squirrel…it's sad, isn't it? XD)

Sakura, remembering Sasuke's "wound" suddenly stopped.

"Sasuke, we have to treat your wound. Rabies is a fatal disease."

"Hn…"

"Sasuke?"

"It'll heal."

"Sasuke! You could DIE!"

"So?"

"YOU COULD DIE BECAUSE OF A SQUIRREL!"

"…I won't die, Sakura. Do you really think a bite THERE will kill me?"  
"Sasuke, your "noble Uchiha blood" will NOT help save you this time. Anyways, if you don't get it treated soon, there won't be any baby Uchihas or little Uchihas running around soon."

At this, Sasuke gulped.

"…Fine…how are you going to treat it?"

Sakura smiled. She was enjoying this greatly. (fyi: right now, Sasuke is just a friend to Sakura since he just came back from Orochimaru…but don't worry, fellow sasusaku fans, I'll …er…TRY to make them kiss…I mean, they've already slept together, haven't they? XD) Anyways, back to the story.

"Well…there are two ways to treat it. Either you strip and I place my hand over your –cough-wound-cough- and start healing you with my chakra, or we stick a syringe up THERE."

Sasuke's eyebrows started twitching. This was not good.

Sakura continued, "Personally, I prefer the second one. It's supposed to be more…effective, not to mention painful. However, IT might be swollen for a couple of days and there might be some…er…leaking…"

Sasuke inwardly threw up.

_What has Tsunade been doing with Sakura?_

**I think you might not want to know….**

I think you're right. Anyways, my mind is made up anyways. I can't believe all of this actually happened because of the friggin' squirrel…

**Wait…so now you're thankful that the squirrel bit you THERE? I mean, I was being scarred there…seriously…**

(apparently, Sasuke's Inner is the voice of reason…XD)

"Sakura, I think I've already made up my mind…"

"What?"

"I think I'll just have Tsunade heal me later on tonight…"

Sakura pouted, which was exactly what Sasuke wanted her to do.

"Hey Sasuke…you DO know that Tsunade prefers the second way to treating rabies…"

At this, Sasuke started twitching madly again, while Itachi looked on with amusement. However, his attention was diverted by Kakashi and Sai frantically beckoning him go over to where they were that he teleported off.

"Sakura…"

"Yes?"

"Fine, I'll go with the first way with you…but ONLY because I don't want something stuck up my ass…"

Sakura grinned in victory.

"Who said you didn't already have a pole stuck up your ass?"

At this, Sasuke started having another fit of twitching. However, he was interrupted by Sakura.

"Um…Sasuke?"

"Hn.."

"Where are you going to take your pants off?"

"in the bathroom…"

"Which one?"

Sasuke visibly gulped and twitched again.

"Fine, let's just do it over here." Sasuke pointed to some bushes that were conveniently growing near the road.

Sakura sighed. She was NOT planning on doing this in the bushes, but hey, a girl can't get everything she wants.

Sighing and pouting, Sakura followed Sasuke into the bushes. They found a spot and sat down.

Sasuke began unzipping his pants, revealing his chosen boxers. Sakura tried not to laugh.

Unfortunately, Sasuke had forgotten that he was wearing THE boxers. As in THE ones with "Warning! Emergency Exit!" printed where his…erm…crotch was…

Sakura started blushing as Sasuke began twitching furiously.

_Why me?_

**Yeah…you picked the perfect day to wear the Emergency Exit boxers.**

Kill me now… 

**Sorry…can't…I'm your Inner, remember?**

You're no help. What do I do now?

**Er…act cool…so that way you won't create a scene…**

Got it…-inwardly sighs- what did I ever do to deserve this?

**Um…you betrayed Konoha and sided with a pedophile who wears too much Revlon?**

That was a rhetorical question…

…

Sasuke turned back to the situation at hand.

"Sasuke…"

"…"

"You're going to have to take off EVERYTHING covering your 'wound' if you want me to heal it with my chakra."

"…"

Sasuke began blushing furiously as he took off his boxers, and Sakura was turning purple.

Cricket.

Cricket.

"Sakura?"

"…" Sakura was too busy staring at Sasuke's….er….exposed area.

"Sakura!"

Sakura started twitching. This was getting nowhere. Sasuke sighed, and forced himself to do the unthinkable. There was only one way for Sakura to snap out of it. He leaned in closer and…

Pressed his mouth onto hers.

Sakura immediately opened her lips, giving Sasuke entrance to her mouth. His tongue explored her mouth lazily, caressing the inside of her cheek and the sharp ridges of her teeth.

So…sweet…

**You know you wanted this to happen.** It seemed as if even Sasuke's Inner approved of his actions.

Meanwhile, the "couple" were being watched unknowingly. Guess who? (You'll either hate me or love me for this idea…XD)

------------------------------

Naruto and Hinata were done training for the day (I know they're not on the same team, but let's just say that Kiba and Shino were …on a mission, okay? XD) and they looked at each other, panting slightly. Neither of them were willing to break the silence, as it was the only thing that connected them. Suddenly, Naruto spoke up.

"Say, Hinata…do you want to go to Ichiraku's with me?" He rubbed the back of his head nervously, not knowing what she was going to say, "I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to…it's not a date or anything….I just thought that you might be really hungry…"

Although any other girl would be disappointed that it wasn't a date, Hinata was happy. She was seriously overjoyed that Naruto had taken the time to ask HER to Ichiraku's and didn't care if it was a date or not. Plus, it showed he cared, didn't it?

"S-s-sure, Naruto-kun…I'd love too!"

Naruto smiled in relief.

"Okay! Let's go! I'll pay tonight, okay? Believe it!"

Hinata only giggled as she and Naruto started walking along the road to Ichiraku's. Little did they know that they were going to step into something more than they had bargained for.

It was Hinata who had noticed first. Or rather, had heard them first. She quickly turned around, trying to locate the source of the voices and moans with her Byakuugan (sp?), but was interrupted by Naruto.

"Hinata, is something wrong?"

"…I think I heard someone moan…."

"where are they?"

"umm….over there!" Hinata pointed to an area behind some bushes.

Naruto and Hinata crept forward quietly…and looked down…and saw Sasuke, naked, kissing Sakura, who was holding his hands with her chakra. They looked around, and saw Sasuke's "Emergency Exit" boxers laying on the ground. The sight alone was enough to make Hinata faint –and she did. Naruto kept on staring, his nose starting to bleed. Sasuke and Sakura, still in the middle of their liplock, didn't notice him until Naruto started coughing violently.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Silence.

"SASUKE, YOU TEME! ARE YOU RAPING SAKURA-CHAN!"

Sasuke's eyebrows began twitching, while Sakura started blushing. Unfortunately, Naruto's yell had attracted Kakashi, Sai, and Itachi, who had been chatting nearby. Hinata also appeared to be awake again. (seriously, after Naruto yelled, I'm surprised everyone didn't go crazy and start screaming bloody murder…XD)

"Oooo….Sasuke's got it going on…" Itachi smirked, pleased with this outcome.

Meanwhile, Sai was busy sketching Sasuke's and Sakura's …er…positions…(you can stop thinking now…XD) while Kakashi was presenting Sasuke with his Icha Icha Paradise book.

"Sasuke…I believe you have now become a man," Kakashi started formally, "As a gift, I present to you the rare edition of Icha Icha Paradise Edition #6."

Kakashi's statement embarrassed the younger Uchiha even more, and he started blushing again.

What just happened?

**You were just kissing Sakura while you were naked…**

Why?

**You are seriously hopeless…you did it because you wanted her to stop staring THERE!**

Oh yeah…that reminds me…Sakura still didn't heal my wound yet…

…

What!

**I'm going to stop talking to you now before you give me nightmares…**

Wait…does that mean I'll have nightmares tonight, too?

Sasuke snapped out of it just to see Kakashi taking pictures of his boxers.

"Kakashi…"

Kakashi turned around.

"Sasuke, where did you get these boxers? I MUST have them…"

Cricket.

Cricket.

Sasuke just realized that he was naked in front of six people.

"Can you guys get OUT OF HERE! Sakura's healing my wound!"

"Since when do you have a wound…there?" Naruto asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"SINCE I GOT BITTEN BY A RABID SQUIRREL!"

If that wouldn't scare them, who knows what would? Anyways, it worked, and everyone fled the scene except Sakura, who started healing Sasuke by pressing her hand against…there…XD

Sasuke started inwardly shivering.

Sakura started blushing again.

Sakura broke the silence.

"Ok…I think it's healed now." She announced.

Sasuke, not hearing her because he was feeling a bit…well…aroused…., began moving…er…yeah….

Naruto, who had heard Sakura announce that she was done, ran back to where the two ninjas were.

"KAKASHI! SASUKE'S HUMPING SAKURA!"

---------------------------------

This chapter actually didn't take me that long (surprisingly) and I actually typed 10 pages –one for each review…anyways, I got the idea on the spur of the moment, so …yeah…oh, and I WILL put in avanaru16's idea somewhere in this fic…I just don't know when. But anyways, I tried putting a little Naruhina in here and how did you Sasusaku fans like the kiss? I think I'm going to put a little Nejiten and a little bit more Naruhina next chapter and probably some temashikaino the chapter after that if I get any ideas or any requests from you guys… Anyways (I seriously use this word way too much…), REVIEW! Remember, my policy is still on so for each review, I write a page, okay? Now, CLICK THE PURPLE BUTTON! (thank you, thank you)

Ja ne!


	8. It Burns, It Burns!

Chapter 7

Hey! Did you guys miss me? Well, I finally have time to update since my mom was on vacation for these past four days and she's back at work right now. :( Now, I'm back to doing some geometry everyday since my parents don't want my brain to rot. XD Anyways, it's rainy and stuff here and I'm really bored so I'm updating….so yeah….

Well, anyways, THANK YOU to all those who reviewed. You guys are so AWESOME –I checked my e-mail a couple of days ago and I was like I HAVE TEN REVIEWS AGAIN! WOOT! But of course, after that, I went shopping (dude, every girl likes shopping….) with my mom to congratulate myself and so I sort of forgot about updating….

Ok, this is a really long author's note at the beginning, **but this is very important**. Almost everybody on this site is at school now and they're updating less often, (duh, we have homework and evil teachers…) but luckily, I don't go to school till September 11th (isn't that creepy?) so don't worry, I'll update as often as I can till then. However, once school starts, I might only get to update once a week, okay? Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

Disclaimer: These things really depress me….if you really want me to say it then, no, I don't own Naruto…

----------------------------------

As soon as those words were out of Naruto's mouth, a crowd began gathering around the clearing where Sasuke (who's still naked) and Sakura (whose hand is still THERE) were sitting. Unfortunately, the crowd was made up of mostly fangirls…and some fanboys.

"AHHH! SASUKE'S TAKEN! WHAT WILL WE DO?"

"SAKURA! YOU BIYOTCH! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US?"

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN SAKURA!"

Cries of revenge and plotting began swirling around them (the crowd) and soon, the head of the SFCF (Sasuke Fan Club Forever) spoke.

"Your punishment for defiling our precious Sasuke-kun is…" At the mention of "Sasuke-kun", Sasuke winced and Sakura turned red. However, the girl continued, "you're punishment is…."

However, the girl didn't get to finish her sentence and Sakura never knew what punishment awaited her because SOMEONE burst through the crowd of fangirls and started screaming.

"YOSH! SAKURA, MY YOUTHFUL CHERRY BLOSSOM, HOW DO YOU FARE? DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE THIS UNYOUTHFUL UCHIHA DISAPPEAR?" Lee had emerged from the crowd, his face livid and his ginormous eyebrows twitching, causing the fangirls to scream in terror and run away. The ones that remained were scarred for life and passed out. Soon, the only ones left standing were Sai, Itachi, Kakashi, Naruto, and Tenten and Neji, who happened to walk by as the chaos began.

Sakura tried to calm the enraged Lee, but was failing because her hand was still THERE and Sasuke was still…er…naked.

"Lee, and the rest of you guys, can you guys…er…leave us alone for a minute?"

Cricket.

Cricket.

"Sure!" Lee stomped away, unhappy that his beautiful Sakura was defiled. The others, however, were hatching up a different scheme.

"Hey, Neji! Tenten! Come over here for a sec, will you?" Itachi beckoned the two over to where the others were standing. Naruto, however, was too busy with Hinata –cough-and making out-cough- to notice and didn't join in.

The two walked over.

"What is it?" Tenten asked, eager to help our favorite pervs.

"Do you want to help us…er…get Sasuke and Sakura together? Neji has to be in on this too, now that Lee isn't here…" Sai explained.

Neji narrowed his eyes, not liking where this was going. It was one thing for Tenten to talk to Sai, but it was another if he was going to be in on something he didn't want to participate in.

Kakashi and Itachi, knowing that Neji was going to back out of it unless something happened, quickly came up with a plan.

"You know, Neji…" Kakashi started.

"if you help us, we could introduce you to…" Itachi continued for him.

Everybody stopped and listened to what Kakashi and Itachi were saying.

"We could introduce to you Dove!" They both grinned, knowing that their plan would work.

Neji remained impassive while Tenten raised an eyebrow.

"Who's Dove?" she asked, not liking where this was going. (a little de ja vu, eh?)

"It's not who…" Kakashi began.

"It's what…" Itachi finished for him, again in their creepy mind-reading way.

It was Neji's turn to raise his eyebrow.

"What's Dove?"

"IT'S THE BEST SHAMPOO EVER! HINATA-CHAN USES IT ALL THE TIME AND HER HAIR SMELLS SO AWESOME! BELIEVE IT!"

Apparently, Naruto had decided to join in on the conversation even if it meant putting his make-out session with Hinata on hold, now that it was centered around the shampoo HIS Hinata—chan used.

Neji immediately nodded.

"I'm in…" _I've been wanting to know what shampoo Hinata has been using anyways…she never tells me though…._ Neji thought.

Tenten grinned, relieved that the Hyuuga was going to do something with her. (not THAT way people…geez….if you want to read about something like that, read "Attack of the Inners" –my other fic….seriously….I'm going to try to make this fic more…er…entertaining –the other one is just for my amusement…)

"Yay! Now what do you want us to do?"

Sai smirked, realizing Itachi and Kakashi's plan. _This will be like killing two birds with one stone…_he thought. (if you're confused about what he's thinking, read on –basically, they're going to make some sasusaku and nejiten happen…)

"Tenten, you're going to flirt with the Uchiha…"

Tenten looked at Itachi, and wrinkled her nose.

"No…not THAT Uchiha –I meant Chicken-head over there…"

At that, Tenten looked relieved and nodded.

"Sure…"

Neji frowned. He REALLY did not like where this was going and did NOT want Tenten anywhere near the Uchiha.

"And you, Neji, you're going to flirt with Sakura…" Sai continued, oblivious to the fact that Tenten was turning red (with anger…. XD) and Neji was ignoring Tenten, mainly because he was busy…er…braiding his hair and thinking what it'd look like if it was blue. (now, now Neji…I'd DIE if your hair was blue…)

Itachi coughed, "Er…so, are you two up to it?"

Neji and Tenten nodded and both stormed off to Ichiraku's where Kakashi said that Sasuke and Sakura were heading.

-----------------------------------------------

"Er…Sasuke…I think you should get dressed now…your wound is healed so…" Sakura was at the point of stuttering, had it not been her self control, she would have … er…._raped_…Sasuke by now, like her Inner was telling her to.

Sasuke looked at her, "I will, once I find my boxers…" A slight blush tinted his face.

Sakura started snorting, and Sasuke's eyebrows began twitching. Sakura finally stopped hiccuping and snorting and pointed to a nearby bush, where his boxers were snagged on the branches.

Sasuke calmly walked toward the bush and put his boxers on and proceeded with putting the rest of his clothes on. However, his shirt seemed to have disappeared.

"Sakura…have you seen my shirt?"

"Um…I think one of your fangirls took it…" Sakura lied. In truth, it was hidden in her purse, folded in a big wad of cloth.

Sasuke shrugged. At least it wasn't cold out yet…He coughed, "Er…why don't we go out and tell the others that we're ready and that we should go to Ichiraku's…"

"Sure!"

They walked towards the streets and went to the group that was waiting for them.

"Itachi! We're ready to go!" Sakura called.

…And they headed to Ichiraku's…..

------------

At Ichiraku's the group spread out. Itachi, Kakashi, and Sai went to a corner and started discussing "battle" plans, while Sakura and Sasuke went to opposite sides of benches and ordered some miso ramen.

Meanwhile, Neji and Tenten started their act….(drumroll…)

"So…Sasuke….what's up?" Tenten walked up to Sasuke and seated herself next to him, and proceeded to unbutton her Chinese-styled shirt until it was half-open, revealing her…assets…

Sasuke began blushing, and debating with his Inner.

Ooh la la…I see paradise… 

…

Hey…so what are you going to do? She's obviously flirting with you, and she is kind of cute –reminds me of Sakura, by the way…

_I have no idea what to do…seriously, it's bad enough with crowds of fangirls…now, the only girl who's never liked me is practically on top of me…I definitely need some help here…_

Well, either accept her or reject her…but don't reject her like the other girls –just make her understand that you're JUST FRIENDS, got it loverboy?

Hn… Did you just "hn" me? 

…

You are going DOWN when this is all over, got it? 

…

Sasuke fortunately snapped out of his thoughts just as Tenten began to lapdance on him. He looked to where Sakura was sitting and was pleased to see her fuming and turning red. However, his triumph was ruined when he saw the Hyuuga get up and begin to flirt with her –she began blushing.

Looking at Tenten, Sasuke did the only thing he could think of for revenge.

He pressed his mouth onto hers.

Tenten immediately stiffened. _What should I do?_ Then, remembering her deal with Kakashi, Itachi, and Sai, she relaxed and opened her mouth, demanding entrance.

(don't worry –this is NOT a sasuten fic –this is just going to make it more complicated and stuff for sasuke and sakura, okay? Don't worry and don't flame me, got it?)

They continued like this for about a few minutes, until both broke the kiss, gasping and panting for air. However, neither was pleased at all. Tenten felt empty and could only think of Neji. Sasuke, on the other hand, felt like something was out of place. He turned to where Sakura sat, and instantly knew that she had seen him and Tenten. Eyes filled with rage, Sakura turned, so her back faced his.

Meanwhile, Tenten and Sasuke sighed.

"So…" Sasuke said, trying to lighten things up.

"…"

"things weren't supposed to end up like that, and I'm sorry…I don't like you that way, okay?"

Tenten looked at Sasuke as he spoke and replied, "Good, 'cause I like Neji..and that was my first kiss! It was supposed to be with Neji!" Tenten frowned, reminding herself to beat up Sai and the others once the night was over.

"Now what do we do?"

Tenten stared at Sasuke strangely, "What do you mean? We're just friends right now, aren't we? So why don't we talk about something…"

Sasuke nodded.

------------------------------------

"So, have I ever mentioned how much your hair reminds me of the sakura blossoms in the springtime, Sakura?" Neji was smoothly flirting with Sakura, like he had always done it, but was really shivering and puking inside. _I sound like Lee! Oh my god, fate is so cruel to me…please, Sakura, just punch me out of my misery…._

However, much to Neji's dismay, Sakura brightened, "Thanks Neji! No one has really paid attention to me like this…so I guess, what I'm trying to say is, well…thank you…" Neji's face was now surprisingly close to Sakura's, and they both gulped. Noticing this, they both laughed.

"So…do you want to try it?" Neji asked, thinking about Dove while forcing himself to say this.

"…um…sure…" Sakura's fist clenched as she remembered seeing Sasuke and Tenten making out a few minutes ago.

And so their mouths met, and their tongues explored each other for the next few seconds. Suddenly, Neji pulled back.

"I don't think we should be doing this…"

Sakura grinned quickly but it was replaced with a small frown, "Neither do I…how about we just stay friends and forget that this ever happened?"

"Sure."

------------------------------------

Kakashi, Sai, and Itachi were both smirking at the results of their plans.

"At this rate, they're going to have to get a room by the end of the month.." declared Kakashi.

"No…I bet by the end of this week…" Itachi challenged.

However, Sai continued looking on at the 4 ninjas. "Who are you talking about? Neji and Tenten? Or Sasuke and Sakura? 'Cause I bet they'll be going steady by the end of these 2 days."

--------------------------------

Neji sighed. This wasn't going anywhere and he REALLY wanted that Dove shampoo. Seriously. Right now, he would kill for that bottle of shampoo and he REALLY wasn't in the mood to deal with a whiny weak girl. Not that Sakura was whiny or weak, but she represented that since she was whiny and weak before. (sighs again…)

Sakura caught Neji sighing and looking in another direction. Seeing him staring at Tenten, she suddenly got a bright idea.

"Hey Neji! Why don't we go sit with Tenten!"

Neji looked at her.

"Why?" he asked, fighting down the urge to drag Sakura to where Tenten was sitting.

"Well, for one, she's your teammate and she might give you better company than I am, and also, you were staring at her a couple of minutes ago."

Neji sighed for the 10th time that day.

"Hn…"

Sakura, taking this for a "yes", got up and dragged him there. They sat down on the bench next to Sasuke and Tenten's and began to talk. Well, Sakura began to talk.

"Hey Tenten! What's up? I haven't seen you around lately!"

Tenten, who hadn't seen Neji and Sakura's kiss, brightened up, "Hey Neji! Sakura! How's it going?"

She immediately got up and sat down next to Neji.

"Hey, Neji…" She cuddled up to him, whispering so no one else could hear, "I'm sorry I had to kiss the teme, but it was all for the Dove, okay?" She winked at him, causing the Hyuuga's stomach to twist into many knots –which was a good thing.

Neji nodded, and put an arm over her protectively, "Well, I'm sorry I had to kiss the cherry blossom over there, since it was all for that poisonous kunai Sai said he would give you once this was over."

Tenten pouted, not liking anyone else kissing HER Neji.

"Well, Neji, you know you have to make it up to me somehow…"

Neji smirked, "And you have to make it up to me, too…"

Tenten grinned, "So, want to see who's the better kisser?"

"I am…"

"No, I am –you should have seen the look Sasuke gave me –it was like he had seen paradise…."

Neji frowned, "Hey, you're MY paradise, and plus, Sakura was positively drooling over me…"

"Well, let's test each other then…"

"What? By asking them?" Neji pointed to Sasuke and Sakura who were currently arguing over something.

Tenten moved closer, "No, by doing this…" and (of course) Tenten placed her mouth over his, and teased his lips while he demanded entrance.

-------------------------------------

"…"

Sakura was trying to talk to Sasuke, but apparently, our favorite (/hated) human ice cube doesn't feel like talking.

"Sasuke! Do you really hate me that much?"

"hn…"

Sai sidled over, before Sakura could show off her super-human strength.

"So, Sakura…how's it going…" He winked flirtatiously.

"What the heck is wrong with you! Do you ENJOY ruining my life? Sasuke just KISSED another freakin' girl! And he doesn't even consider ME as a freakin' FRIEND!" Sakura was a little PO'ed right now, and ended up spitting some of her ramen out.

Unfortunately, it ended up in Sasuke's lap. To be exact, where his old squirrel bite was.

"AHHH! IT BURNS!"

Apparently, Sakura's ramen was still hot.

--------------------------

So, what do you think? I put A LOT of effort in it so I was really bad in karate…:(…the other guy in my class probably thought I was one of those whiny preppy spoiled girls, but the reason I kept "whining"/making weird noises during class was because I was frustrated that I couldn't do the "spinning backfist"…(sighs) life isn't fair…I bet that guy is laughing at me right now at home…anyways, if you want me to update and want me to feel better so I can write…er…type…REVIEW! (thank you, thank you)


	9. Toads and Morgues

Chapter 9

Hey you guys! Guess what? I only had to draw for two hours so my butt doesn't kill that much anymore! Woot! Anyways, I'm bored so I guess I'll update. Oh, and btw, if this chapter seems more random than usual, it's because they were the original ideas for a chapter of Attack of the Inners, but I forgot about them until I recently looked at the files and stuff…so…yeah

I'd also like to thank all my AWESOME reviewers for this fic and "Attack of the Inners"….anyways, if you have any ideas, I'd be happy to listen to them since it's kinda getting harder to write this fic….

Oh, I'd also like to announce that I'm open to any requests –I'll only do Naruto and they'll be oneshots, unless they're brilliant…like awesome…not like all your ideas aren't, it's just that some might appeal to me more than others….

Disclaimer: This is the most depressing thing you will ever read. I do not own Naruto. 

---------------------------

"Oh Sasuke, I'm so sorry!" Sakura rushed over and gently pressed her hand against Sasuke's burn..-cough-crotch-cough-…and quickly healed it with chakra. Meanwhile, Sai was laughing his guts out.

"Sak…Sak…Sakura…" Sai said between pants, "that …was….awesome!"

Sakura frowned, remembering that she was still PO'ed and that it was Sai who made her burn Sasuke's…er…crotch.

"SAI! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!"

Everybody at Ichiraku's stopped eating and stared at Sakura.

Chirp.

Chirp.

Ribbit.

Sakura snapped.

"WHERE THE HECK IS THE FREAKING FROG! THAT THING'S GONNA DIE!"

Naruto went over and tried to calm down Sakura –seriously, he didn't want his favorite ramen stand to be crushed and in the dirt because of a frog.

However, Sakura didn't listen to him.

"WHERE IS THAT FROG?" She scanned the room and found it cowering in a corner. She walked up slowly to it and picked it up before it could hop away.

"So…little frog….what should I do with you?…" At this point, people began backing away from her.

"hmm…." Sakura's face suddenly turned red, "I WILL KILL YOU!"

The frog, too scared for its own good, was scarred for life at the sight of a very mad Sakura. It struggled against Sakura's tight grip and managed to jump out.

FREEDOM!

Slam!

Or not.

It seemed as if the frog had just jumped and slammed into the wall. Seeing Sakura heading towards it again, it stupidly kept slamming itself against the wall, trying to get out of the situation.

Slam.

Slam.

Slam.

After about 5 minutes of bashing its head into the wall, the frog stopped, apparently dead.

Silence.

Everybody looked at Sakura.

It was the chef who spoke up first.

"So, who wants some frog legs with ramen?"

O.O

After the big lady sitting in the back with a hairy mole said that she would like the frog, everybody started acting normally again. Naruto, Sai, Itachi, Kakashi, and Sasuke crowded around Sakura.

"Sakura…"

Sakura looked up at Sai, who was speaking.

"You do know that you just caused a frog to commit suicide…"

Itachi began cracking up.

Sakura pouted and folded up her arms.

"So what? I don't like frogs anyways and at least I didn't have to kill it…"

Sai smirked, "But Ms. Ugly, it seems as if your ugly face has actually killed someone!"

At this, Sakura lunged at Sai; however, Naruto and Kakashi held her back just in time.

"Sakura…think about this…do you want to be responsible for murder?"

Sakura paused and the group waited a few moments until she calmed down.

"Fine…but Sai," Sakura looked at him…or rather, glared at him, "you got off lucky this time…"

The others sighed, glad that this was over.

"Well, now, don't you and Sasuke have someplace to go, Sakura?" Kakashi glanced knowingly at the pink haired girl.

"Errr…no…." Sakura and Sasuke both looked vaguely confused.

Kakashi grinned. It was time to put the plan into action.

"Oh! I didn't tell you? Well, you guys are in for a surprise. Just go into the bathroom and change into these."

Kakashi gave Sasuke and Sakura some bags –Sasuke got a hot pink one and Sakura got a black one.

"…"

"Just go!" Kakashi was beginning to get impatient. It seems as if he had finished the latest Icha Icha Paradise and wanted to read more and was suffering from post-porn depression. Ahh…life sucks for him…anyways, back to the fic.

Five minutes later, Sasuke and Sakura came out of the bathroom. Sasuke was wearing a low cut strappy dress with black fishnets and combat boots while Sakura was in guy wear. Naruto turned around with Hinata at that exact moment and started laughing so hard ramen was coming out of his nose.

Sai and Itachi, on the other hand, were twitching.

Sai cleared his throat, "Er…why don't you guys switch outfits…I think you'll be more…er…comfortable that way…"

Itachi suddenly snorted. It seemed as if he was beginning to lose it.

Ten minutes later, Sasuke and Sakura walked out, and this time, the room was silent for a good reason. Reason number one was because the outfit was giving Sakura a new fan club complete with fanboys. Reason number two was because Sasuke wasn't wearing fishnets anymore (now THAT is a relief….XD).

The group exited the ramen place and stood outside, breathing in the night air. Kakashi coughed.

"Er…you guys have to be blindfolded for this too…and Sasuke, you can't use your Sharingan….got it?"

Sakura pouted and Sasuke scowled, but none of them surprising questioned them. Unfortunately, it was because they really did NOT want to know where they were going.

After being blindfolded, the group walked on. Sai was holding Sakura's hand while Itachi was walking beside Sasuke. With Naruto and Hinata too busy making out and walking (is that possible?) alongside each other, Kakashi tried to start a conversation.

"So…do you like your outfits?"

Sasuke and Sakura immediately began to blush. Meanwhile, Sasuke was having another "talk" with his Inner.

You know you like her and god…she looked awesome in that outfit… 

Can you leave me alone? I'm walking on a path blilnfolded and I can't use my Sharingan or Kakashi will probably force me to read Icha Icha Paradise or something else wrong…

**Hey! Who said Icha Icha Paradise was bad? It's actually a very…er…EDUCATIONAL book….**

_I can't believe my Inner is so much like Kakashi…Hey, do you know Kakashi?_

**He's actually one of my closest friends….**

Thought so… What was that? Hn… Anyways, back to the subject…you LIKE Sakura, don't you? No… Oh, so does that mean you LOVE her? 

Can you leave me alone? You're getting really annoying….

**Not until you admit that she looked FINE in that outfit…seriously, she should think about wearing corsets and those dresses more often…**

Leave. Me. Alone.

**Not until you say the magic words….(**as you can see, Sasuke's Inner is …well…as annoying as I can be sometimes…XD)

Fine! SHE LOOKED FREAKING SEXY IN THAT OUTFIT! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? Ha ha…look around you, Sasuke… 

Sasuke snapped back to reality and found that everyone was staring at him.

"What?"

Kakashi eyed the Uchiha mockingly, "Did you just say that Sakura looked …er…FINE in that outfit?"

"I said that out loud?" Sasuke began blushing…well, if you looked at his face with a microscope or something, you'd see that his face was somewhat pinkish.

"Ooooohhhh….Sasuke's BLUSHING!" Sai crooned, smirking at Sasuke.

"Shutup…"

"What did you say, Mr. Chicken?"

"Itachi…cut it OUT!" Sasuke was beginning to lose his patience.

Meanwhile, Sakura was turning really really red.

Hell yeah! Sasuke likes me! No…he just thinks you look good….I mean, he could say that to anyone… Even to Lee? 

Inner Sakura started thinking about what would happen if Sasuke went up to Lee and said that he looked good.

Sakura burst out laughing.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Kakashi, Sai, and Itachi started staring at Sakura weirdly. (Sasuke couldn't cuz he has his blindfold, remember?)

"What?" Sakura was confused about why they had stopped walking.

"…"

"…"

"…"

Kakashi finally spoke up, "You guys, we're here! Just don't rip off your blindfolds yet, okay?"

The group walked into the building and into a small room.

"Where are we?" Sakura wondered out loud.

"Er…you'll see…" Itachi was grinning evilly, which made Naruto and Hinata back away from him and continue making out in a corner.

They reached the end of a long corridor and entered a small room. Kakashi undid Sasuke and Sakura's blindfolds and they opened their eyes.

"Where are we?"

"What is this place?"

"This…" Kakashi announced proudly, "is the Konoha Morgue."

At this, Itachi and Sai pushed Sasuke and Sakura into a coffin.

Need I say a SMALL CRAMPED coffin.

"WTF!"

"KAKASHI YOU ARE DEAD ONCE WE GET OUT OF THIS!"

Kakashi smirked and locked (let's just say this coffin needs a lock, okay? XD) the coffin up. Luckily, there were little holes in the coffin so the two could breathe in there.

"You two aren't getting out of there until tomorrow night, got it?"

Sounds of muffled swearing came out of the coffin as it started to rattle.

"Sakura, your strength won't work. The more you punch, the more chakra it'll suck out of you…I suggest you don't use any chakra and cooperate with the Uchiha, got it?" Sasuke and Sakura could tell Sai was smirking as he spoke.

A few minutes later, they could hear a door slam and everything in the coffin went and darker. It was now pitch black. Sasuke, not liking this one bit, activated his Sharingan.

"SASUKE! TURN YOUR EYES OFF!" Sakura screamed, "I don't want to look at red eyes for 48 hours…plus, now we'll be late for Tsunade!"

---------------------------

(at Tsunade's office)

"Tsunade, they're locked up in a coffin right now. Mission status is almost complete!" Sai announced to the Hokage, who was pouring herself a drink.

"Good, now why don't you all go to the bar with me tonight, okay?"

Kakashi, Itachi, and Sai grimaced but nodded.

---------------------------

(at morgue)

"SASUKE! STOP TOUCHING MY BOOBS!" A scream was heard throughout Konoha.

"Sakura…it was an accident. It's either we touch each other –and not THAT way –or we suffocate." Sasuke was trying to remain calm, however, the bulge between his pants was beginning to grow.

"Sasuke….STOP HUMPING ME!"

--------------------------------

So, how do you like it? Sorry it's shorter but I'm sticking to the policy –I got 8 reviews so I typed 8 pages. Anyways, it'd really help if I got some evil ideas and stuff…so yeah…and THANK YOU to all who have reviewed and who are GOING to review!

Ja ne!


	10. Sasuke's Virgin Ears

Chapter 10

Hey everyone! This might be a little shorter than usual and I think I'm going to have to change the policy. At **scienceboy**'s suggestion and some of my earlier plans, for each review I get, I'll type ½ a page, okay? It's basically cuz I don't have that much time –I'm spending all my time reading other fics and getting in trouble and preparing for school so…yeah…anyways, I'm gonna promise to update this fic and "Attack of the Inners" every other day this week unless my parents decide to be evil…that means that the next update will be on Tuesday, okay? Anyways, I wanna thank all my AWESOME reviewers! You guys ROCK!

Disclaimer: The day I own Naruto is the day we never have to go to school again….i know it's sad, but let's face it, we can't kill school…:(

-----------------------------

"Sasuke?" Sakura's voice was muffled against Sasuke's shirt.

Sasuke, thinking that she had said, "Are you gay?", replied, "What makes you think that?"

"Sasuke!"

"What? I'm not gay!"

"Who said you were?" Sakura was getting confused over Sasuke's behavior.

"hn…"

"augh…"

Suddenly, Sakura screeched.

"Sakura…what's the matter? I'm going to go deaf at this point…"

"SOMETHING **HARD **JUST BRUSHED AGAINST ME!"

"Well…whatever it was, it wasn't me…." Sasuke muttered. (**A/N: omg…Sasuke just made up a weird innuendo…XD…if you don't get it, then, well….yeah….XD)**

"Sasuke…." Sakura's eyes flashed in the darkness.

"Look, we have to think up of a way to get out of this because I do NOT want to spend tonight and all of tomorrow stuck in a COFFIN with you…." Sasuke was getting really annoyed.

**Hmm…maybe he'd change his mind if we were stuck in a closet…**Sakura's Inner seemed to be back and ready with more action.

Shut up… You know you want it… 

Argh! I'd probably freeze to death with Sasuke, the human ice cube, even if we were making out in a closet!

Sakura felt Sasuke's glare on her.

"Wait…did I just say that out loud?"

Sasuke gave her the answer, "Yes Sakura, you did….now can you use your brain and help me figure how to get out of this?"

Sakura snapped out of the shock and started doing as Sasuke said.

**Is it just me, or is Sasuke even cockier than usual?** Inner Sakura started winking suggestively as she said the word "cockier"

SHUT UP! 

"Ooops…sorry…" Sasuke sighed as Sakura yelled out again.

"Fine…I'll find a way out of this by myself…just don't annoy me, got it?" Sasuke started closing his eyes and thinking while Sakura seethed in anger.

"I. AM. NOT. ANNOYING, UCHIHA." Sakura was pissed off.

Sasuke, not noticing the warning signs, merely replied, "Yes, you are, now shut up, Haruno." However, his Inner was shocked that she had called him "Uchiha".

Oh god…she's mad… Who cares? I don't want to be stuck here with HER… But you wouldn't mind if you were in a closet with her, right? SHUT UP! It seems as though Sasuke and Sakura's Inners have a LOT in common…XD 

Sasuke sighed again as Sakura tried to restrain herself from punching Sasuke in the head. As a replacement for Sasuke's nose, she punched the iron coffin.

Thump.

Nothing. There wasn't even a dent in the stupide coffin.

"Argh…"

Sakura stretched, trying to un-cramp her muscles.

Ahh…that feels better… 

However, her hand came in contact with Sasuke's nose (much to Inner Sakura's delight) and she pushed something down in the coffin.

"SASUKE! SOMETHING IN THE COFFIN GOT DENTED! GO ME! HA! YOU OWE ME SO MUCH, UCHIHA!"

Sasuke winced as Sakura called him by his surname again but congratulated Sakura nonetheless. However, any compliment from Sasuke comes with a price, so this is how he congratulated Sakura.

"At least you can use something other than her head, Sakura…."

Sakura turned red but restrained herself and started punching where she felt a dent.

A few minutes passed.

"Err…Sasuke?"

"Hn…"

"I think there's a button in the coffin…"

"Sakura, are you sure you haven't been hallucinating recently?"

Slap.

"OF COURSE I'M SURE! I'M NOT STUPID!" Sakura screamed at Sasuke again as he protected his _poor, virgin _ears. XD

"Fine…so why don't you push that button and see what happens?"

"That's what I've been trying to do these past few minutes!"

----------------

Five earsplitting minutes later

----------------

"YES! IT'S UNSTUCK!" Sakura screeched, killing Sasuke's poor ears.

Suddenly, the back of the coffin opened and led to a tunnel which, because Sasuke and Sakura were laying on the back, they both fell into.

"ARGH!"

"not again…."

Thump.

The two landed on a stone corridor leading up to a room.

"ooohhh…I wonder what's in there…" Sakura whispered.

"Hn…" Sasuke hn-ed.

They walked up to the door and Sakura slowly opened it, revealing…

Shikamaru, Temari, and Ino.

"INO-PIG!"

"FOREHEAD GIRL!"

The rest of the people in the room sighed.

"Troublesome…"

"I second that…"

"Hn…"

After their mini catfight, Ino and Sakura calmed down enough to ask at the same time,

"What are you doing here?"

Sakura answered first.

"Well, Kakashi, Itachi, and Sai locked us in a coffin and then I pressed this weird fuzzy button while I was stretching and stuff….then we fell and we came into this room…" Sakura explained.

"oh…that's what happened to us too! Except that it was Kurenai and Asuma who double-teamed on us and kind of caught us off guard…see, it would have been just me and Shika-kun all along, but Temari found this place and she accidentally shut the door…it can only be opened from the inside."

"Wait, since when have you called Shikamaru "Shika-kun"? I bet there's something going on between you two!" Sakura said.

Ino rolled her eyes.

"That's what Temari said too…"

Click.

The door had shut because of a certain UCHIHA who had gotten bored.

"SASUKE!" The three kunoichi in the room started screaming at him.

"MY EARS! STOP TORTURING ME!" Sasuke had snapped.

"Troublesome…"

Everyone stopped and started staring at Sasuke who was now humping the couch.

Temari sighed.

"Why don't we knock him out before anything bad happens? I think it'll wear off in a couple of minutes…"

"Sure!" Sakura walked up and punched Sasuke in the…er…jewels….

"AHH! MY BURN AND RABID SQUIRREL BITE!"

-------------------------------------

So how'd you like it? I tried making it funny, so…yeah…oh, and in **the next chapter, Temari, Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura, and Sasuke are going to play a game, so can you give me any ideas of what you want them to do?** I don't wanna do Spin the Bottle or Seven Minutes in Heaven though cuz there are so many fics about that…if you want me to do Truth or Dare, then you might want to add what you want each truth/dare should be cuz I don't want to make them doing anything you guys don't want them to do…so yeah…any ideas would be GREATLY appreciated. Oh, and THANK YOU, MY AWESOME, YOUTHFUL REVIEWERS! YOU DESERVE SOME COOKIES MADE FROM MY YOUTHFUL GAI-SENSEI! –locks up Inner Gai-sensei-

Anyways, ja ne!


	11. Secret Stranger

Chapter 11

Hey! This is probably gonna be the last…er…scheduled update…after this, I'll probably update this fic and Attack of the Inners every week instead of twice/three times a week –I'm starting school on Monday and my parents think I'm on this site too much…XD….i've just got into some ItachiXOC fics and stuff, so yeah….(I'm starting to talk like deidera…XD) and I'll try to make this as funny as possible. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! You guys are AWESOME and I'm sorry if I didn't reply cuz I have VERY limited computer time and I always procrastinate….so….here's to chapter 11!

Btw, can you guys help me reach my goal of 100 reviews? That'd be so totally cool…yeah…you guys ROCK!

Disclaimer: Fine…you caught me…I don't own Naruto and never will unless Kishi-chan is my best friend and gives me the copyright thingy so DIE YOU FREAKING LAWYERS! DIE! (no offense to those of you who aspire to be lawyers…I just think it sucks when a lawyer sues a kid who writes FANfiction…)

------------------------------

Sakura grinned as Sasuke passed out from the pain from the punch to his…er…jewels… 

"looks like there'll be a low chance of any little Uchihas running around…hehehe…" Sakura chuckled evilly while cracking her knuckles.

Temari, Ino, and Shikamaru started backing away slowly from Sakura, frightened by the scary atmosphere she was causing.

Temari cleared her throat, hoping to distract Sakura and save Sasuke from the end of the Uchiha clan.

"say, Sakura…want to play a game?"

Sakura looked up.

And smiled.

"Sure!" she cried, surprising everyone, "sasuke was getting boring anyways."

Sasuke, who was stirring from his coma-like state, chose to ignore that statement.

"Let's just play…" he muttered, getting annoyed and fed up with his horrible luck and the pain his crotch was going through.

"Okay, the game is Would You Rather. One person asks a question to another, asking them 'would they rather do….or….'….you basically get the point. Now, the person has to answer and DO what they would prefer. Got it?"

Everyone nodded.

"Shikamaru, you go first," Temari ordered as Shikamaru groaned, "Would you rather kiss me or not say 'troublesome' for a whole week?"

Shikamaru sighed, knowing that this was just a way for Temari to make Ino jealous. _God, it was so annoying having the two most troublesome girls argue over you._

"I pass."

Temari sighed, and explained to Sakura who looked confused, "if you pass, you have to do a dare each person playing can think up of…"

Ino spoke up, "Shikamaru, kiss the prettiest girl in the room."

Shikamaru walked up and kissed Ino on the lips as Ino sighed happily and Temari scowled.

"My turn. Shikamaru, spend five minutes with me in the closet." Temari ordered, an evil glint in her eye.

Shikamaru sighed, "Troublesome…"

The two walked into the closet, shut the door, and sat down as Ino, Sakura, and Sasuke began…well…waiting.

……………

(in the closet)

"Well…Shikamaru…since we're gonna be in here for a while, we're gonna try to hook up Sasuke with Sakura, got it?" Temari started whispering so the others outside wouldn't hear.

"Ummm…why?"

"Shikamaru, I thought you were supposed to be a genius! They'd be so cool together…seriously…"

"sure…"

"okay, so what do we do?" Temari was getting impatient. Shikamaru was supposed to be smart, not like this.

"Well, why don't we wait until it's Sasuke's turn and then ask him to make a choice between doing something stupid and kissing Sakura?" Shikamaru suggested, not wanting to end up like Sasuke –seriously, he wanted future little Naras running around.

"that's a cool idea! You're the BEST, Shika-kun!" Temari threw her arms around Shikamaru, who was making strange faces in the dark.

Suddenly, the door to the closet opened.

"IT'S BEEN SEVEN MINUTES, YOU FREAKS! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO **MY** SHIKA-KUN, TEMARI?"

Ino was standing in the doorway, hands on her hips, and frowning.

"Shikamaru…" Ino's glare softened into a somewhat sad glance as she walked away.

"Ino…" Shikamaru suddenly called out to the blonde.

She turned around.

"What?"

"Never mind…it's too troublesome…why don't we continue the game."

Ino sighed, "Alright. Sakura, it's your turn."

Sakura grinned evilly.

"Okay, I pick Ino. Ino, would you rather go dunk your head in the toilet or whack a pan at Sasuke's …package….?"

Ino frowned, and thought.

"Fine, you win, forehead girl," Ino turned to Sasuke, "Sasuke, you're lucky I'm doing this for you."

Sasuke sighed in relief, thinking that Ino was going to dunk her head in the toilet. However, Ino walked to the kitchen (let's just say this room in the tunnel is like an apartment, okay?) and grabbed the biggest pan she could find. She walked out and started advancing towards Sasuke, who was getting ready to use the Chidori.

"YOU ARE **NOT** GONNA USE YOUR CHIDORI ON ME, SASUKE!"

Sasuke didn't move.

Ino got closer, pan handle in hand.

Suddenly, Sasuke felt paralyzed and saw Sakura in the corner of his eye.

"Paralyzing jutsu…haha Sasuke, you can't escape this one –this is for abandoning Konoha!" Sakura said.

So THAT'S what's bugging her… No duh… 

However, Sasuke's Inner didn't get to say anything else because Ino was now a foot away from Sasuke. She snapped her wrist back and flung the pan forward.

THWACK!

A loud silence followed as Sasuke clutched his area in agony.

"I thought you weren't going to hit me! You said that I was lucky you were doing that!" Sasuke screamed in a high girly voice.

"Sasuke, other girls would have done it harder," Ino sighed as she sat back down, apparently still upset over Shikamaru.

"Okay, Sasuke, it's your turn now…" Temari motioned.

"Hn…"

This is going to take a while.

A few minutes later, Sasuke cleared his throat. He had the best idea ever.

"Temari, would you rather make everyone fall asleep or eat Cheerios for an hour?"

"Fine, I'll make everyone fall asleep."

_Yes! Now I can make Sakura pay for what she did to my area once everyone's asleep! It's the PERFECT plan!_

**Uh…but Sasuke, you're falling asleep too….**

_Oops…_

And with that, the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE fell asleep along with everyone else in the room, including Temari, who had whipped out a pocket watch and had started hypnotizing everyone.

_Clink!_

Someone in a mask and dressed all in black opened the locked door, and stepped in. With an evil chuckle, he started his "mission".

First, he dragged Temari into a corner of the room, placing her in the fetal position. Then, came the challenge.

He half-carried, half-dragged a sleeping Ino and laid her on top of Shikamaru. Partially undressing the two, he placed Ino's hand on Shikamaru's bare chest and curled her leg around his (Shika's).

Then, he carried Sakura and placed her in the same position on top of Sasuke. Removing Sasuke's pants and Sakura's shirt, the stranger smirked, knowing that chaos would break loose once the ninjas woke up, but _something_ might just happen. _Something_ as in love. XD

The stranger then proceeded to leave, but hesitated just as he turned the knob. He quickly strode back into the room with the sleeping shinobi and uncapped a black sharpie as he started to draw on Ino's face. Smiling, he whispered, "Sasuke, you're gonna be in for it…I feel bad for you already…"

Finally, with a last glance at the room, the shinobi left, but not without hiding a video camera in a corner.

-----------------------------

Tsunade looked up as a someone in a mask and black outfit stepped into her office.

"So, did you complete your mission?"

"Yes. You can watch what's happening too, and I can guarantee you that Sasuke will be in big trouble once he wakes up…however, he might finally realize his feelings for Sakura too, in the position I put them in…"

Tsunade quirked an eyebrow, pleased that the mission was a success.

"Fine, good job, Neji. Now go back to Tenten before she kills anymore of your fangirls."

"Hai."

(I bet you guys didn't expect that it was Neji, did you? Muahahahahaha! XD)

----------------------

"Ugh…so…tired…" Sakura shifted a bit, trying to get closer to the warmth beneath her. However, she stiffened once she felt what she was holding. She opened her eyes and looked down.

Blue shirt.

Her eyes traveled up.

Lean, muscled arm.

Dark, blue-black hair.

Pale skin.

Thick lashes.

"Sasuke.."she breathed.

Then, she noticed the hand in her shirt and how the two of them were partially undressed. Inner Sakura was throwing a fit.

**Oh my god…Sasuke likes you!**

_We were all asleep, remember? So that's it. We were just sleeping. No signs of him liking me._

**Girl, you need a wake-up call. He. Freaking. Likes. You. Otherwise, why would his hand be in your shirt.**

_Err…_

Sakura snapped up once she saw the onyx eyes open slowly.

"Sasuke….do you know what happened?" Sakura asked him, hoping he wasn't angry with her.

Luckily, Sasuke was far from angry. He was actually sort of…shocked.

_Oh god…what happened? All I remember is falling asleep…wait…why is my hand up her shirt?_

**Hey! Don't put your hand back! Keep it there! It's WARM!**

Sasuke shook his head, trying to get rid of his Inner.

"Hn…" was all he said in response to Sakura's question.

"Er…Sasuke?"

"What?"

"Your hand…"

"Hn…" Sasuke withdrew his hand as Sakura tried to look decent.

They both sat up, ignoring the fact that a) they were so close and b) that they had just turned around to look at each other at the same time and that their lips were oh so close to each other.

"Sasuke?" Sakura breathed.

Unfortunately, their "moment" was interrupted by Ino and Shikamaru.

"Ino…get off of me…troublesome…"

Ino's eyes snapped open, "Oh god…what happened? And why is your leg around mine and your hand up my shirt? Shika-kun!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, "Look, we all fell asleep so we probably just got here like this…"

"but Shika-kun…."  
"What?"

"Never mind…"

"troublesome…"

Suddenly, Shikamaru's head snapped back and he started staring heatedly at Ino, who was blushing.

"What? Is there something wrong with my face?" Ino asked, getting worried.

"Why don't you ask Sasuke…"

Sasuke looked up and saw Ino's face. On it either cheek was a picture of a toilet and on her forehead was a picture of a big metal pan.

Sakura started laughing.

Sasuke smirked.

Shikamaru sighed.

Ino got up and looked at the mirror.

"SASUKE! YOU WILL **PAY!" **Ino yelled, getting another pan from the kitchen. Sakura joined and helped her.

Meanwhile, Temari groggily woke up and stretched.

"What's going on, guys?"

--------------------

Somewhere else, Tsunade and the rest of the Jounin were laughing their heads off as they watched what was going on from the hidden video camera.

---------------------------

So, how'd you like it? I'm up for any ideas and stuff and …well…yeah…this chappie took me FOREVER to write and I'm sorry if it's not as funny….i HAVE something planned for "Attack of the Inners" though…I'll probably update that next week along with this fic if I can sneak onto the comp and if my parents don't catch me…XD…anyways, school starts Monday so I'll probably only update once or twice a week…probably once, but you know how reviews motivate me. Now, **let's get to one hundred reviews! READ AND REVIEW! (oh, and THANK YOU MY WONDERFUL REVIEWERS!)**


	12. Sushi

Chapter 12

Woot! I got 100 reviews! You guys are so totally AWESOME! As a gift, I'll update this chappie today, okay? You guys are seriously cool –I never actually thought that I'd get 100 reviews! I started screaming when I looked at the stats and I was like, "Whoa! This is so cool!"…luckily, no one was at home so my parents weren't like, "we should make her go to a boarding school.."….XD…anyways, here's the chappie! Oh, and I'm gonna try to make it extra funny for you guys, okay?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto….otherwise, it'd be called "Sasuke"….XD

--------------------------

"Ow! Ow! NO! NOT THERE! INO, STOP! OWWW!" Ino started chasing Sasuke around the room with the ginormous pan, hitting Sasuke everywhere while the others looked on.

"troublesome…"

"whoa…that girl has some guts…"

"Sasuke? Why aren't you defending yourself?"

However, because Sasuke had just woken up, he was a bit groggy –he was NOT a morning person, so right now, his skill level was even lower than Sakura.

"OW! INO YOU WILL PAY! I NEED TO RESTORE MY CLAN, DAMMIT!"

Fifteen minutes later, Sasuke was slumped over on the couch while Ino was panting heavily and putting the pan back.

"And THAT'S what you get for messing around with me, Uchiha," Ino said, as she proceeded to go to the bathroom and wash off the sharpie, or at least put some concealer on.

Meanwhile, Sakura stretched and got up.

"oh god…I'm really hungy….here, I'll cook something!"

"Sure! I'll help!" Temari said as she got up and joined Sakura.

However, Sasuke was too tired to listen to what was going on and Shikamaru was asleep so none of the guys knew how bad the girls' cooking skills were.

O.O.O.O.O.O…O.O.O.O.O.O.O.OOOOOOOOO.O.O.O.OO.O.OO.O

"Hmmm…do you think vinegar will help the cake?" Sakura held up a bottle of clear fluid.

"Oh…throw it in! I heard somewhere that vinegar helps the body cleanse itself of all impurities…" Temari replied.  
"Oohh! How about these jellybeans! They're awesome!"

"Yeah! It'll go great with the salt and pepper…" Temari grinned.

"Great! Now let's make some sushi while we wait for the cake to rise."

"First, we need some fish and stuff…"

Just then, Kisame appeared, looking for Itachi in their usual secret hiding place in the morgue (see, Itachi kind of regained a memory –about a secret hiding place, which he put Sakura and Sasuke into) .

"Hey…what are these kids doing here? And why do I smell something weird cooking?"

Kisame decided to have a peek in the kitchen and was suddenly tackled by Sakura and Temari.

"We have fish! Yosh!" Sakura and Temari screamed as they started waving knives at Kisame.

"Hey…kids…don't you remember?"

"What?" Sakura and Temari asked in unison.

"The rule…"

"What rule?"

Kisame straightened up, "That FISH ARE FRIENDS, NOT FOOD!"

"Ohhh…."

Sakura and Temari put their knives down as Kisame sighed in relief.

"In that case…" Sakura started.

"You'll have to LET us chop off your body parts!"

Kisame shuddered as he was once again tackled by the two kunoichi.

"Ahhh! Help!"

By this time, Ino had come out of the bathroom and seeing Sasuke passed out from the pain and Shikamaru sleeping (again), she went into the kitchen and saw Sakura, Temari, and Kisame. Or rather, what was left of Kisame.

"Fish….are….friends….not….food…." whimpered Kisame, who was clutching his poor Samehada like a security blanket.

Ignoring Kisame, Ino walked towards where Sakura and Temari were.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Making sushi…"  
"Wait…how did Kisame get here?"

All three girls turned to Kisame.

"Oh…err….i got lost?"

The girls knew he was lying and Temari started taking her big fan out.

"Okay, okay…" Kisame whined as he backed up, "this is usually Itachi's secret hiding place…we kinda meet here to talk about stuff…how did you guys get here anyways?"

"Itachi…"

"Asuma and Kurenai"

Kisame frowned, "Wait…have you seen Itachi?"

"Yeah…" Sakura started but was quickly silenced by a jab from Ino.

"This is supposed to be a secret, remember? You don't want Itachi to become evil again, do you?"

"Oh…no…why would we have seen Itachi?" Sakura asked, trying to cover up her mistake.

Kisame smirked, "Well, you did mention that Itachi brought you guys down here…."

Sakura fidgeted, "Oh, did I say Itachi? I meant to say….um….er…."

"What she meant to say was that we were led her by a tabby…not Itachi…" Temari finished for Sakura who sighed in relief.

"Wait…you were led here by an acne cat? What?" Kisame seemed to have suffered from the massive amount of blood loss resulting from Sakura and Temari's attack for fish meat.

However, the girls never got a chance to answer because the oven decided to make itself known.

_Beep!_

"Yay! The cake's done!" Sakura hurried and brought out the cake and the girls grinned as Kisame tried to back away.

"Kisame, get back here! Isn't this a beautiful cake?" Ino cried.

Kisame looked at the cake, which was a mixture of green and grey goo with a little fizz coming up from the middle.

"Err…it's unique…." Kisame said, wishing more than ever that he had stayed in bed that morning.

"Why don't you eat first, Kisame? It's the least we can do for borrowing your fins for the sushi!"

"Um…why don't you have the guys taste it first? They might like it more than me…er….yeah…." Kisame grinned sheepishly, thinking of an escape route.

"Oh! That's a good idea! Let's have Shikamaru eat it first!" Ino said.

"No! Sasuke-kun deserves it after you nearly killed him with the pan!"

The two girls began tugging at opposite sides of the plate which held the blob they called "cake".

"Shikamaru!"

"Sasuke!"

"Shikamaru!"

"Sasuke!"

"Shikamaru!"

"Sasuke!"

"Shikamaru!"

"Sasuke!"

"Shikamaru!"

"Sasuke!"

CRACK!

The plate cracked and broke in two as the cake fell down in slow motion.

3….

The girls stared in horror.

2…..

Ino, Temari, and Sakura started seeking refuge in the corners of the kitchen.

1….

SPLAT!

The cake landed on Kisame, who was too wounded to move.

"AAHHH! IT BURNS!" (de ja vu, right? Remember what happened at the bar with Sasuke and the ramen? XD…you're lucky this time it was Kisame and not Sasuke…XD)

The green-grey blob was now sizzling on Kisame's head, burning his face. However, underneath what was peeling off was another face.

"A mime?" All three girls questioned.

"Kisame, are you a mime?"

Kisame, frightened that the girls could now use this as blackmail tried using his mime powers.

_I am throwing a large hefty red brick._ He thought, while lifting his arms and moving them into a throwing motion. _Apparently, it has no effect._ The girls seemed unhurt by the mime-brick and so Kisame tried using other options. _I am throwing a very heavy Deidera at them. Let's hope this works._ Suddenly, a popping sound was made and Deidera was being thrown at the girls.

"Oomf…" All three girls were now pinned to the ground with Deidera in a fat suit.

"What happened…yeah? And why am I in this fat suit…yeah? Wait…who are these girls…yeah?" Deidera asked as he struggled out of the fat suit and threw it out the kitchen. Unfortunately, it fell on top of Sasuke who decided to move again and woke up Shikamaru. Muttering the guys headed to the kitchen, which was the source of all the commotion.

"Kisame…why are these girls under me…yeah?"

Unfortunately, Kisame was already gone and had run off to end his affair with the Loch Ness monster, so Deidera was all alone in the kitchen with 3 girls underneath him. Shikamaru and Sasuke chose this time to enter the kitchen and assumed the worst.

"Um…you guys, what's with Ino turning into a boy?" Shikamaru asked.

He was answered with, "I am NOT a boy and that's Deidera!" by Ino, who was screaming out from under Deidera.

"Sakura, what are you doing with that blonde? You weren't DOING anything, right?" Sasuke said as he walked over to the pile of writhing bodies.

"NO! I wasn't doing anything, Sasuke-kun! It was just that we were making sushi and got the fish meat from Kisame and then Kisame got burned by the cake and it turned out that he was a mime and then he threw an invisible brick at us but we didn't feel it and then he made Deidera appear in a fat suit!"

O.O

"Oh…okay…." Sasuke said, unsure of what was going on, but trying to look cool at the same time.

"So, wanna eat? Try the sushi! It took us forever to make!"

Sakura, Ino, and Temari had finally got up from under Deidera, who was muttering something about fatsuits and lipo, and presented the tray of sushi to the two guys.

"Err….what's in it?" Shikamaru asked, not wanting to get diarrhea like the last time he tried some of Ino's cooking.

"We have fish, veggies, rice, and seaweed. We also have our special ingredient! It's awesome! Try it!" Sakura pleaded.

Shikamaru was still unsure.

"Err…"

"Look, none of the ingredients are poisonous so just eat, will ya?" Temari demanded.

At that, Shikamaru and Sasuke warily picked up some of the sushi and put it in their mouths.

Chew.

Chew.

Chew.

"So, how do you guys like it?" Sakura asked, wanting some praise from the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE.

Munch.

Munch.

Munch.

"Hey…this is actually pretty good…." Shikamaru said, "What kind of fish is this?"

"Oh, it's Kisame…"

"What?"

"Um…it's Kisame's toes…"

Sasuke started coughing and Shikamaru thought he was about to lose it, which he did –he let it loose all over the ground.

"Did you say 'Kisame's toes'?" Sasuke said, his eyebrow twitching.

"Yeah…doesn't it taste good?" Sakura asked, smiling brightly.

Deidera coughed, making himself known again.

"Who is that?" Sasuke asked.

"Oh, I'm Deidera…yeah…."

"Are you a girl?" Ino asked, "Cuz you could be my twin!"

"Ino?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah?"

"Listen to his voice…it's too deep to be a girl's voice…"

"OH! So is he my brother! That's so cool! I have a long lost brother!" Ino cried, snuggling against Deidera who was struggling to breathe while glaring at the others who were giggling.

"I'm….not….related….to….you………..yeah…." Deidera panted after Ino released him.

"Er….you guys….?" Shikamaru was getting bored, "Stop acting so troublesome and throw away the sushi…it's disgusting…."

"WHAT? YOU BETTER EAT THAT SUSHI, SHIKAMARU!" Temari shrieked, "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT TOOK TO CHOP OFF THE TOES AND CLEAN THEM!"

The two guys visibly gulped while Shikamaru hurriedly thought of a way to get out of the mess.

"Hey…Ino, why don't we do something else first? I mean, why don't we wait till we get hungry and so we can all eat it….plus, if Kisame comes back, he might want his toes back…and we don't want him to hurt us for eating them."

"Fine…but Kisame said that he was going to end his affair with the Loch Ness….i guess we'll just have to think of something else to do…." Ino said.

Deidera grinned, "Oh, I have the best idea…yeah….why don't we play dress up….yeah…."

All three girls suddenly got hearts in their eyes.

"Sure!"

Sasuke groaned. This was not gonna be good.

Why? Cuz you're afraid that Sakura's gonna dress up and you won't be able to control yourself?

Hn… 

**Look, you know you wanna kiss her….remember when she was on top of you?**

Can you leave me alone? 

No…because you'll need my help to think of a way to not dress up if Sakura forces you to…

How bad can it be? I'm an Uchiha…nothing bad will happen that I can't handle… 

Right….then, why is Ino making Shikamaru dressing up as Little Bo Peep…and I must say, that outfit does NOT suit him…

Oh s…this isn't good…Sakura better not make me dress up as Barbie or whatever… 

Uh huh…yeah right….she'll probably make you try on something that'll kill your "area" again….

Shut up… 

"Oy! Sasuke!" Sasuke snapped out of it as Deidera yelled in his ear.

"What!"

"Sakura wants you to dress up in these…yeah…" Deidera said, holding up the clothes.

Sasuke blinked.

This is NOT gonna happen to me… 

--------------------------

So, what do you think? Since I'm sorta running low on ideas, I'm gonna ask you guys to help me here. **What do you want Sasuke to dress up as?** Also, about the pairings, **is it okay if it's shikaino? Who do you want Temari to be with? Another character or an OC? It's up to you! Oh, and if you don't like the shikaino pairing, you can tell me what pairing you want and why, okay?** Anyways, THANK YOU FOR THOSE WHO HAVE REVIEWED AND THOSE WHO ARE GOING TO! YOU GUYS **ROCK!**

Ja ne!

Oh, and wish me luck in school tomorrow!


	13. Project Runway!

Chapter 13

Hey! Did you guys miss me? I've had SO much homework –it's crazy…I already had 2 tests on this first week of school and I had like every subject for homework every night –it was TERRIBLE! I was up till eleven every night and woke up at 6:45 every morning…I can't believe I'm gonna have to do this for a whole year till it's summer again…:(….anyways, THANK YOU for your reviews.

Here's the poll so far:

Temashikaino –2 (including me)

Shikaino –1

Kibaino –1

Cast your vote in! It'll count!

Anyways, on to the story….

---------------------

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I no own so you no sue…(I got that from some other fic…XD)

---------------------

Tsunade took one look at the screen and burst out laughing as Kakashi rolled on the floor giggling. Jiraiya, on the other hand, was getting out his notebook, ready to take down any notes for his new Icha Icha Paradise novel. The adults watched the screen.

"I HAVE TO WEAR **THAT!" **Sasuke was pointing to the outfits that Deidera was holding.

"Yes…now get dressed before I poke you with this…" Ino was swinging a javelin in the air.

"Where did she get that?" Tsunade asked paying close attention to what was happening.

(on the screen)

"Err….where did you get that, Ino…yeah?" Deidera was asking. The rest of the ninjas turned to Ino, twitching their eyebrows. It seemed as if they were picking up their bad habits again.

"Oh…I found it in the closet…" Ino pointed vaguely to the direction of the bathroom, "Now, Sasuke, go change into those outfits! You're going to be in a FASHION SHOW!" At this, Ino and Sakura squealed while Temari rolled her eyes. Shikamaru was still fixated on one of the particular costumes that Sasuke had to wear, and shuddered at the thought of having a makeover.

(at the Hokage's office)

Shizune was now having fits of laughter and Tonton was squealing as they watched the video camera.

(on the screen)

Sakura noticed Shikamaru shivering and cracked an evil grin, "Shikamaru…we should have a makeover for you, too…hmm…what color should we highlight your hair? Pink? Blue? Purple?" Sakura produced 10 bottles of hair dye and some boxes of make-up.

Shikamaru started backing away, and using his shadow jutsu to make Sakura freeze in her place.

"No, no, Shika-kun….i won't let you do that, cuz I'm on their side, too!" Temari stepped forward, smiling and smirking slightly.

"Hey! You can't call Shikamaru Shika-kun! That's MY nickname for him!" Ino snapped at Temari.

"Yo….i'm helping you, so at least be grateful…god, you Konoha shinobi are such brats…"

Ino turned away.

"Look…as long as you don't dye my hair pink, I'll agree, okay?" Shikamaru yawned. He planned on sleeping through the whole torturous experience, to avoid scarring his genius mind.

Sakura smiled.

"Okay, now go put these on, okay?"

"Fine…"

Shikamaru took the clothes and proceeded to the next room, leaving behind three, scheming girls.

"Okay, first we should have Sasuke walk down the catwalk…I have music for it too…" Sakura said.

"Fine…next comes Shika-kun…I don't think he'll enjoy this since he won't be able to sleep through it…" Ino grinned.

"Okay, girls, get the cameras ready!" Temari motioned as Sasuke stepped out of the room and Sakura put on the music.

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me  
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
Sasuke walked out in a cat-woman suit, his hair sticking out of the leather mask and the lipstick smeared on his cheek. The black leather pants fit him perfectly, although they were tailored for women and were too clingy. The shirt was the most surprising.

"Err…Sasuke?" Ino was giggling too hard to continue.

And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan  
And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing

"The shirt…it fits you….all of it…" Sakura said between laughs.

"Is there something wrong with that? It's supposed to fit, isn't it?" Sasuke was confused.

"Er…but it fits…your…er…chest….yeah…..it's supposed to be loose there…cuz yeah…it's for girls….and you're not a girl….you don't have, you know….boobs…yeah…"

Sasuke looked down, "Well it's not my fault this shirt is so _tight_…I mean, it'd make YOU have boobs, Deidera…"

Sakura giggled, "But Sasuke, are you really a guy? Cuz, you know, you were bleeding THERE this morning and now you have moobs…" Sakura trailed off, breaking into another fit of giggles.

"Hey! The bleeding was caused by a rabid squirrel bite!"

Ino smirked, "_Right…_like the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE would get bit by a rabid squirrel…just admit it…it was your time of month…" Ino collapsed into a pile of laughter.

"Hey! I was in an outhouse and I HAD TO GO! It's not my fault!"_  
I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk  
_Sasuke reached at the end of the "catwalk" and turned and was about to walk back when Sakura pulled him back.

"What are you doing, Sakura?"

"I'm seeing if you're really a guy…" Sakura said, her eyes on his face, looking for any signs of girl-ishness.

"Hey! I'm a guy! Now get off of me!"

"Not yet!" Ino came up with a bow and arrow and started aiming.

"Ino…wh-what…are you doing?" Sasuke said, backing up.

Ino didn't answer, instead she released the bow to her target.

Thwang.

Sasuke suddenly jolted upright, clutching the spot between his legs.

"INO! THAT KILLED! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REVIVE THE UCHIHA CLAN NOW!"

Ino giggled, "Well, at least we know that you're a guy…"_  
_"Not yet….Sasuke, you need to fill out this form. Go and change into the other outfits and then complete it for me, okay?" Sakura handed Sasuke a piece of paper and motioned him to go back and change.

Sasuke walked back, his leather pants squeaking all the way back.

Squeak.

Squeak.

Squeak.

"What's that sound?" Sakura asked. It wasn't Sasuke because he was already in the bathroom changing.

"Err…" Ino pointed to the figure that stood in the doorway that led to the "catwalk". Sakura turned to the direction in which Ino was pointing and started twitching…majorly.

"Shikamaru…." Sakura started but was drowned out by Ino's laughter.

"OH…MY…GOD….SHIKAMARU, THAT FITS YOU PERFECTLY…." Ino shrieked, "This…is…really….scary…."

Sakura turned up the volume as another song started.

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen  
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine  
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen  
Shikamaru walked down the catwalk in a tight green spandex suit, courtesy of Lee and Gai-sensei. With the spandex hugging every muscle and body part, it squeaked with every step he took. The orange leg warmers were not helping at all either. Overall, Shikamaru looked like a pineapple stranded on a desert island.

"This…is….so….troublesome…" Shikamaru muttered, unhappy that he was being tortured. He was about to turn around and go back when Ino stopped him.

"We need to do your makeup and your nails, got it?"

"…"

"Shikamaru?"

"No…"

"Please!"

"No…"

"You get to sleep through this!"

"……fine….."

"Yay!"

Ino pulled up a chair for him and started doing his eyeshadow while Sakura started doing his nails.

"Hmmm…do you think black eyeliner and baby blue shadow will look good?" Ino asked.

"Yeah…give him pink lipgloss too…."

"Oh, and do his nails purple…"

"Sure…"

Fifteen minutes later, the girls were done with Shikamaru's new look and laid back and waited for Sasuke.

"Oh yeah….we have to take pictures of this as blackmail!" Sakura said.

Ino pulled out her Polaroid and started snapping pictures of Shikamaru with pink highlights and makeup.

Just then, Sasuke stepped out in his new outfit.

(at the Hokage's office)

"Sasuke is not wearing that…he's my student! None of my students should have to wear that! It's worse than Orochimaru's Michael Jackson look!" Kakashi complained as he watched the fashion show unravel.

"Well, too bad…my apprentice seems to be having fun torturing YOUR favorite student…" Tsunade responded.

Jiraiya just giggled, "Well, shouldn't we tape this so we can blackmail them?"

"You're right! Sakura would LOVE a chance to torture Uchiha!"

"That's actually a good idea! This way, I can bribe Sasuke not to yell at me or complain to you guys when I'm 4 hours late to train him!" Kakashi cried.

Tsunade and Jiraiya looked at him. Or rather, glared at him.

"um…oops?" Kakashi started running for his life.

(on screen)

Clunk.

Clunk.

Clunk.

"I…can'tmfff….breathemmfff…in…thisffff…." Sasuke's voice was muffled by the mask he was wearing.

"AHH! IT'S A MONSTER! KILL IT! GET RID OF IT! IT'S SWALLOWED SASUKE! HELP!" Ino started running around in circles and picked up her javelin and started swinging it.

"DIE MONSTER DIE!" Ino swung the javelin at the "monster", hitting it in its …er….sensitive areas.

"INO! IT'S DARTH VADER, NOT A MONSTER! THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN KILL HIM…IS…TO….ERR….JUST KEEP SWINGING THE JAVELIN THERE!" Sakura screamed, and picked up a ginormous pan and started whacking it at Darth Vader's head.

Temari just shook her head, "You guys, that's Sasuke….he dressed up in that costume, remember? This is just a Darth Vader costume –not the real thing, right Deidera?"

Deidera nodded, enjoying the fashion show immensely, "Yeah…Temari…say, I should come here more often…yeah…."

Sakura and Ino stopped swinging their weapons.

"Sasuke?"

"Is that really you?"

Darth Vader tried unscrewing his head but to no avail. It kept staying on.

"AHH! IT'S REALLY DARTH VADER…YEAH! RUN AWAY! KISAME, HELP!" Deidera started running around in circles along with Ino, who was twitching madly while Sakura swung her pan at Darth Vader again and again.

"WHY…WON'T ….YOU…DIE?" Sakura shrieked.

Temari sighed as she took in the scene, from the partially destroyed kitchen to the sleeping Shikamaru to a Darth Vader who was trying to take his head off to Sakura who was trying to make sure that no more little future Vaders would be running around 10 years from now.

"You guys, just STOP!"

Everybody froze.

"Sasuke, here, let me help you take off the mask…" Temari walked up and managed to unscrew the Darth Vader head.

"Never….have….me…..wear….that….again….i …..need……to…….restore…..my……clan…..you…..know….." Sasuke said between pants and was clutching his area in pain.

"Sasuke, are you okay? I can heal you with my chakra….i'm really sorry for hitting you…with that …er…pan….." Sakura tried comforting Sasuke as she stripped him of the costume until he was in his Emergency Exit boxers and started healing him.

What just happened? I can't believe she actually thought I was Darth Vader…..

**Just play it cool….now leave me alone, Sakura's healing us and I can't concentrate when you're bothering me…oh, and one word of advice: NEVER wear lipstick or mascara –you're turning into Orochimaru…**

Hn…

Sakura finished healing Sasuke and he put his regular clothes back on.

"Okay…now what?" Temari asked, getting bored after taking as many pictures of Sasuke in the Darth Vader costume being whacked to death so there would be a low percent that little Uchihas would be running around soon.

Temari was soon relieved from her temporary boredom when someone unexpected popped up.

"HEY OH YOUTHFUL FRIENDS! HAVE YOU SEEN MYYOUTHFUL SPANDEX OUTFIT? IT IS UNYOUTHFUL TO STEAL, YOU KNOW, AND I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO WEAR…" Lee popped up in the middle of the room with green TIGHT boxers.

Deidera gaped at him, "Um….why……is……your…..chest…..not…..hairy?"

Lee's brows furrowed, making it seem as if he had a unibrow, "What do you mean? My chest is non-hairy…is there something unyouthful about it? Gai-sensei's chest is like that too…."

"Well…..yeah…..but……..the……rest…..of…..your…..body……is…..covered…..in….hair….." Sakura glanced at Lee's very hairy arms and legs and looked up at the smooth chest.

"Do…..you……er……shave……it?" Temari asked, eyebrow twitching. She was picking up Sakura's bad habits.

"Oh, no. Shaving is unyouthful….." Lee said.

"Then….what do you do…yeah?" Deidera asked.

"Oh, I WAX IT!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So, what do you think? I tried to use most of your ideas and some that I got at school –my social studies teacher was acting out how it'd look like if you got stabbed by a javelin and mock-poked someone with an imaginary bow. It was so funny that I had to include it in here somewhere…XD….anyways, I hope you liked it even though it's not as funny as the others. Next chapter will focus more on Itachi, I think, but I haven't gotten that far –homework is killing me…oh, and I'll try to update Attack of the Inners tommorrow….

Anyways, REVIEW! And THANK YOU TO MY AWESOME REVIEWERS! YOU GUYS **ROCK!**

Darth Vader –O.O

Rock Lee


	14. Bible Stories

Hey! I'm sorry that this is a day late, but I have a really good reason…see, I'm usually a straight A student but I got an 85 on my Geometry Honors quiz and so I was up studying geometry w/ my mom for 4 hours yesterday so I didn't have any time to update…but the good news is that I have really good ideas. Most of what will happen in this chapter really happened to me…so…yeah….XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…if any of you have any good/funny disclaimers, feel free to pm me…XD

ON WIT THE FIC!

----------------------

OO 

"Like…yeah….you WAX it?" Deidera asked, his eyebrow twitching. It seems as if he's picking up some bad habits too…

"Yep! Isn't it YOUTHFUL!"

By this time, everyone had been scarred for life.

"Lee…just….go….away…" Sakura said, as Lee started blowing imaginary kisses in her direction.

"YOSH! I WILL NOT DISTURB THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH THAT RUNS THROUGH YOUR VEINS! YOSH! I WILL GO AND ASK GAI-SENSEI FOR SOME MORE GREEN SPANDEX! YOSH!"

And with that, Lee teleported out of the locked room, leaving some very irritated ninjas behind.

"He could have at least gotten us out of here…" Temari muttered, leaning against the wall, "You Konoha ninjas are so immature…"

"Hey, you're stuck here, too…" Ino said, clenching her fists.

"Look…girls, just calm down…you're being too troublesome…" Shikamaru said, awaking from his comatose state.

"Look, why don't we just find a way to get out of here…" Sasuke said, shoving his hands back into his white shorts. He started looking at the room, searching the corners for cracks and all.

"Hey, can you use your chidori?" Sakura asked.

"Well…I could try, but then the whole first floor would collapse on us…" Sasuke said.

"Okay…then what do we do?"

Suddenly, there was a knocking at the door. All five ninjas turned towards the door.

-------------------

Tsunade and the other Jounin, including Jiraiya were sitting on the floor, biting their fingernails.

"I wonder what'll happen…" Tsunade said, biting her fingernails.

Jiraiya yawned, "There's nothing happening…like, there's no plot….I thought that Itachi was going to hook up Sasuke with Sakura…but so far, nothing has happened…"

"Hey, it's not my fault that Sasuke's weird…" Itachi had somehow appeared with Sai in the room.

"Well…if you're so bored, why don't you just do something else…like read the Bible or something?" Tsunade snapped, mad that her apprentice wasn't procreating yet.

"Fine, I will…" Jiraiya hmphed as he pulled out a little pocket Bible from his pocket.

The ninjas resumed watching the screen where Sakura was walking towards the door.

(Fifteen minutes later)

"Hey…Tsunade…guess what I just learned?"

Tsunade turned towards the blushing sannin.

This cannot be good if he's blushing… Jiraiya started, "Well, did you know that when guys are born…" 

Someone started knocking at the door. A minute later, Naruto walked in.

"Naruto, what did I tell you about waiting for me to summon you in before coming in?" Tsunade said.

"Wait…Jiraiya, continue…I wanna know what happens when guys are born…" Naruto said, interrupting Tsunade.

"Er…kid, you might not wanna know…" Jiraiya said, fidgeting.

"Hey, it's not gonna hurt…after all, you learned it from the Bible…" Tsunade said, interested in what Jiraiya had to say.

"Fine..you asked for it…anyways, when Jewish boys are born, it's custom for them to cut off part of their…er…"

Pop! 

Sai suddenly appeared in the room and spoke before Tsunade could yell at him for not knocking.

"Yo Naruto….are you Jewish? Cuz…I mean, with you being close to dickless and all, people would assume things…"

Naruto growled, "I'M NOT JEWISH!"

Meanwhile, Tsunade was twitching her eyebrow.

"You…learned….this….from….the….Bible….?" She said, pointing a shaking finger in Jiraiya's direction.

"Yep! Aren't you proud of me?"

"You are _way_ too perverted, Ero-sennin…." Naruto said, shaking his head.

"Well…as long as they keep them in their pants, I'm happy…" Shizune said, shaking her head and causing Kakashi and the others to start laughing.

"AAAHHHH!"

Naruto turned his head to the direction of the sound, and saw that it was the TV screen.

"Hey…what is Sakura-chan doing there?" Naruto said, pointing to the screen.

"Er….yeah…." Kakashi said, not wanting to tell Naruto the whole story.

"Well…they're locked up in a morgue, if you want to know the truth…" Itachi smirked, loving the confused expression that appeared on Naruto's face as he told him.

"Huh? Which morgue?"

"The Konoha morgue, dickless…" Sai said, drawing Naruto's expression on his sketchpad at the advice of Itachi.

"Oh…well, I'm gonna go save Sakura-chan!" Naruto crowed.

"You have to bring someone with you that knows how to get there though…" Kakashi pointed out, an evil plan forming in his head as he winked at Itachi and Sai, who smirked knowingly.

"Fine…uh….I'll bring…er…HINATA-CHAN!" Naruto said enthusiastically.

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask as Itachi grinned, knowing what Kakashi was up to.

"Well, you go with Hinata and leave us alone, okay, dickless?" Itachi was beginning to pick up Sai's bad habits.

"Hey! That's my line!" Sai said.

"But I said it first…anyways, let's watch what'll happen to dickless…" Itachi said, turning his attention back to the screen.

---------------------------------

(at the morgue)

"Umm…Naruto-kun…w-what is t-this?…." Hinata said, pointing at the open coffin.

"Hmm…I don't know…Lemme check it out…" Naruto started walking towards the coffin but ended up tripping and falling head-first into the secret passageway.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata cried.

"It's alright…I'm okay! Hey, you know what? This place is kinda cool…why don't you come down here, Hinata!" Naruto screamed up.

"O-okay…"

_Whoosh._

Hinata landed onto the stone passageway, and the two made their way towards the door at the end of the corridor.

"Hey, what are those voices? They sound like Sakura-chan and Sasuke-teme…"

As they got closer, they heard screams.

"We have to get closer! Come on, Hinata!" Naruto dragged poor Hinata to the doorway and kicked open the door. What they both saw momentarily blinded them.

"Eek…Kisame…get…off…of…me…yeah…" Deidera managed to squeak out as Kisame fell on top of him.

"The Loch…Ness…didn't…want….to….break….up….with…. me…" Kisame moaned.

Meanwhile, Sakura was helping Kisame heal his wounds but it wasn't really working.

"Kisame…what did the Loch Ness do to you?"

"Er…she had some…'fun' with me…." Kisame groaned, as he put his hands on his aching "area", "You have no idea what it's like being the uke…"

Needless to say, with Hinata and Naruto looking on with untrained eyes, they assumed the worst.

"AAHHH! THE AKATSUKI ARE GAY! HELP!" Naruto screeched.

"Well…it was pretty obvious…I mean, they wear cloaks with big fluffy clouds….what kind of fashion statement is that? And purple nail polish? Come on!" Ino said, huffing at the lack of fashion.

"Hey! I'm not gay…yeah! I…just….have no time to date…yeah!" Deidera said, his voice muffled beneath Kisame.

"Did he just say that he's not gay and that he dates apes?" Sakura said, shaking her head.

"Hn…" Sasuke said, finally talking after his area had stopped killing him.

"Sasuke…"

"Hn…"

"What are you wearing?" All eyes turned to Sasuke, who was beginning to blush.

"A shirt..you got a problem with that?"

"No…I mean, when I fell asleep on you, I felt something hard under that shirt…are you wearing a girdle?"

"…No…"

"You are! Admit it!" Sakura cried, glad that she was embarrassing the Uchiha.

Deidera, who was still under Kisame misheard.

"mff…Sasuke's a girl?….yeah….that means SAKURA'S A LESBIAN!Yeah…" Deidera said, his eyes popping out.

"NO! SAKURA-CHAN IS A LESBIAN!" Naruto screeched.

"D-don't worry…N-naruto-kun…I'll be there for you…." Hinata comforted the fox-boy, who was screaming his head off.

"I AM **NOT** A LESBIAN!" Sakura screamed, fed up with the stares she was getting.

"Then why do you like a girl?" Naruto asked, calming down.

"I don't like a girl! I like Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screamed.

"But Sasuke's a girl!"

"He's not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"I AM **NOT** A GIRL AND I AM **NOT** WEARING A GIRDLE!" Sasuke screamed, getting fed up with people thinking that he was a girl.

Naruto, not hearing Sasuke, continued talking to Sakura. (let's just say that Naruto's deaf, okay? XD)

"So…what does he do with you, Sakura? Does he flash you?" Naruto asked, "Like, LOOK, THERE'S A QUARTER!" Naruto said, bending down. (okay, if you didn't get that, just think about it. What do people do when they flash you? They usually take off their shirt OR they bend down so you can look down their shirt…Naruto's just doing the old "look, there's a quarter" trick…XD)

"He didn't do that, baka!" Sakura hit Naruto on the head a few times before Hinata stopped her.

"Thanks Hinata…I needed that…"

"N-no problem…"

-----------------------------------------------

(Hokage's office)

"Oh my god…you're student's a girl!" Tsunade said, laughing at Kakashi.

"He's not! See, he just yelled that he wasn't a second ago!"

"But no one's listening to him!" Tsunade shrieked, collapsing into another fit of giggles.

"So that's why he's been single his whole life…" Itachi mused, " I never knew I actually had a sister…"

"Hey, you guys…they just found a way out of the place…" Sai said, suddenly alert.

The rest of the Jounin turned their attention back to the screen.

-----------------------------

"Hey! Naruto! Don't let that door shut!" Sakura screamed as the door started creaking and moving again.

Naruto turned around and started leaping towards the closing door.

3

2

1

Creak! "YES! NARUTO, YOU'RE THE BEST!" 

Naruto had somehow gotten the door to stop closing and now the ninjas were streaming out of the room.

------------------------------

(Hokage's office)

"Hey, Kakashi, Sai…we have to think of a way to get out of this…" Itachi said, getting worried.

"Here's an idea…RUN!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------\

So, how'd you like that? This took me about an hour and my fingers are KILLING me! So, in order to thank my poor pinky, please review! Oh, and I'm thinking of doing InoShikaTema…..that way, it'll be a threesome throughout the whole story…anyways, if you guys have any ideas of how Sasuke and the rest of the ninjas are going to torture Sai, Itachi, and Kakashi, ideas are WELCOME! (thank you, all you WONDERFUL reviewers who have reviewed or who are going to review)

Oh, and btw, I'm not going to update Attack of the Inners till Friday cuz I have this HUGE geometry test tommorrow –see, I would have updated this fic yesterday and Attack of the Inners today, but I was doing geometry all day yesterday, so I'm REALLY sorry…anyways, I tried making this chappie extra funny for all you fans out there, and btw, the quarter incident and the Bible incident really happened –my friends told me about what they learned from the Bible, and I was like, "you guys are way too perverted…" XD…I just had to put that here somewhere, so yeah…anyways,

Ja ne!


	15. Nun Trouble, Shakespeare, and Boats

Chapter 15

Hey! What's up? I got a 94 on my geometry test and I'm really bored now so I guess I'll just update. Btw, most of the events in this chapter, especially the one with the nun, is based on real life situations…yeah…except that the manga I was reading had a half naked guy in it and the nun was like, wtf? Anyways, I won't give away anything else about the chappie, so ON WITH THE FIC! I'd also like to thank all my faithful reviewers cuz w/o them, this would have been over a long time ago…anyways, let's start. 

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah…I'll never own Naruto…otherwise, sasuke would make more appearances…and neji would smile more….XD

-----------------------------------------------------/

Sakura was mad…very mad…and she was going to get back at Sai, Itachi, and Kakashi for trapping her in a morgue for 2 days. Rubbing her hands evilly, she began the chase.

(5 minutes later)

"KAKASHI, ITACHI, AND SAI, YOU ARE GOING **DOWN!**" Sakura screamed, finding the three guys and chasing them.

"Where are we gonna hide? It's gonna be impossible if she keeps chasing us like this…" Sai huffed as they kept running, dodging through shops and carts and civilians who were in the middle of the street.

Suddenly, Itachi stopped.

"Ooh! Look! There's the Uchiha symbol!" He pointed to a truck driving by.

Kakashi sighed, "Itachi…that's the Pepsi sign…."

"Oh…"

"YOU GUYS! WE'RE STILL BEING CHASED BY UGLY!" Sai screamed as he ran passed them.

"WHERE ARE WE RUNNING TOO? WHERE ARE WE GONNA HIDE!" Itachi asked Sai and Kakashi.

"TO THE LIBRARY! SO THAT WAY, SHE CAN'T ALERT EVERYONE AND SHE CAN'T RUN AROUND AND THERE ARE LOTSA BOOKS THERE TOO!" Kakashi screamed.

"GOOD IDEA!"

(At the library)

"KAKASHI! YOU'RE GONNA PAY!" Sakura screamed as she entered the library after searching through the other stores.

"Miss, you'll need to quiet down and use your **library** voice if you want to remain here," a pissed off nun appeared in front of Sakura, blocking her way.

"Sorry.." Sakura continued to search the library.

First off was the juevenile fiction section.

(in the nonfiction section)

"Do you think she'll see us?" Itachi asked, worried about his beautiful face since he didn't want Sakura to damage it.

"She better not since we still have to hook her up with Sasuke" Sai muttered, focussed on his book.

A nun walked by, supervising the area.

"And what are you reading there, mister?" she asked Sai, peering over at his borrowed Icha Icha Paradise Edition #6.

"Oh…this is….er….this….helps me….with….er…my art…." Sai managed to spit out as the others struggled to hold down their laughter.

"You mean, pictures of half-naked girls are helping you draw…" the nun looked skeptical.

"Well..yeah…I study human anatomy for my art class…" Sai said, unsure of where this was leading to.

"Oh well..that's all I wanted to know…you can keep reading."

The nun walked by Kakashi next, who was reading Jiraiya's infamous orange book.

"And you, sir, what are you reading?" The nun frowned, not pleased that Icha Icha Paradise was turning up in her little library.

"Oh, I have to prepare for my sex-ed class," Kakashi said, matter-of-factly, causing the other two ninjas to giggle.

The nun frowned and looked down upon them through her glasses.

All laughter stopped as the nun peered at Itachi, who was reading the Gils Gone Wild edition of Icha Icha Paradise.

"And what's your excuse, mister?" the nun asked threateningly.

Suddenly, Kakashi discovered where they were.

"You guys..we're in the CHURCH library.." he half-whispered.

Itachi gulped, and thought fast, trying to get his way out of the conversation with the nun.

"Um…well…my excuse is….that….I'm trying to play….er….matchmaker?" Itachi said hopefully.

The nun's face darkened as she processed what Itachi had said. Suddenly, an evil grin broke up upon her face as she cracked her knuckles.

"Wrong answer, darling…get prepared…" The nun suddenly looked very scary.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

THE END! (jk….)

"THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN!" the nun screamed as she did Kakashi's signature jutsu.

"Hey, how'd she know my jutsu?" Kakashi asked Sai as they saw Itachi fly out the window and itno the air.

"Poor guy…" they both murmured.

However, it was much worse than they thought.

(outside with Itachi)

Sakura had found Itachi and was walking closer and closer, with an expression that matched the nun's as she had killed Itachi's butt.

"OW! SAKURA STOP! THAT HURTS! OW! I WANNA HAVE CHILDREN WHEN I GROW UP, YOU KNOW!"

Screams of pain continued for the next fifteen minutes.

"Sakura…please…stop…I….can…..explain….." Sai said, clutching his area.

"Fine, then tell me WHAT THE HECK you were thinking when you locked us up in a room for TWO FREAKING DAYS!"

"Well…you enjoyed it, didn't you?" Itachi scratched the back of his head.

"ITACHI!"

"Fine, fine…look, we were just trying to get you and Sasuke together….i mean, you should be with him…" Itachi said, wincing in anticipation of Sakura's fist.

However, none came.

"WHAT!" Sakura screamed, finally comprehending what Itachi had said.

(at the Hokage's office)

"Hey, you guys…guess what?" Jiraiya asked as he looked up from his new book, Romeo and Juliet.

"What?" Tsunade was getting tired of Jiraiya constantly interrupting her.

"I LOVE ROMEO AND JULIET! IT HAS SUCH GOOD INSPIRATION!"

"WHAT!" All the ninjas in the room turned to Jiraiya, who was currently so close to the book that he was practically making out with it. (eww…wrong thought….XD)

"Why?" Naruto asked, being his usual curious self.

"Well, listen to this line…"

All the ninjas waited as Jiraiya cleared his throat as they no longer paid attention to what was going on the screen.

"Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads; take it in what sense thou wilt" Jiraiya recited and then stopped, expecting a reaction.

However, all he got was stares.

"What does that mean?" Naruto asked, scratching his head.

"It means that Sampson is contemplating about whether to chop the girls' heads off or…"

Naruto interrupted him, "Well, we know what THAT means…but I don't get it…how does this go with your pervy books?"

"You didn't let me finish….Sampson is thinking about whether to behead the girls or to take their virginity….that's what a maidenhead is, duh…" Jiraiya said, matter-of-factly.

Everybody sweatdropped.

"See, that's what happens when you let them out of their pants," Shizune put in, causing everyone to giggle.

"I DON'T GET IT!" Naruto screamed, still not understanding it.

Tsunade took Naruto off to the side and started explaining the whole "concept" to him.

"You see…when a man and a woman love each other very much…"

Fifteen minutes later, wails were heard coming from the Kyuubi boy.

"And so you see, the last reason of why Shakespeare is an awesome inspiration is because of this line –'If love be rough with you, be rough with love'" Jiraiya said, again, expecting a reaction from the quiet and confused ninjas.

"It means that if love is rough, then just have sex…duh…"

Naruto started wailing again.

Shizune attempted at a shot at a conversation to help Naruto gather his senses once he stopped shrieking.

"Hey, did you hear? My boyfriend's boat was broken…" She started.

Jiraiya started collapsing into a fit of giggles.

"What! It was missing a sail! And then we had to drive five hours to buy another one!" Shizune said, oblivious to the other giggles coming from Tsunade and Tenten, who had appeared in the room silently with the Hyuuga, who was blushing.

"See, and then the engine was broken…see, it's main functions are to run and then get hard…." Shizune explained, "But we went boat racing after that though…"

That was it. Tsunade and Jiraiya cracked, giggling and laughing and crying at the same time.

"Your….boyfriend…has….a…..broken…..boat….with….no….sails….and….his….engine….was…..broken……and then you…..BOAT RACED!" Tsunade said between giggles.

"You guys, I didn't mean it THAT WAY!"

-----------------------------------------------------------/

So, what'd you think? If you didn't get the boat incident, then pm me…either that, or you're too innocent…actually, the boat incident, the nun incident with Sai (not Itachi or Kakashi), and the Romeo and Juliet incident are all real. The boat incident happened to my friend and she was telling us about it and then I started thinking wrong thoughts…XD…the nun incident with Sai actually happened to me and the Romeo and Juliet lines are real –and they DO mean those things too…don't ask me how I know –just check out Sparknotes or something…XD the lines are all in Act 1 in Scene 1 and in Scene 4.

Anyways, REVIEW! (thank you for all my AWESOME reviewers so far! You guys ROCK!)


	16. Shakespeare

Chapter 16

Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in like forever…XD..basically, I was a) busy b) working on Attack of the Inners and c) buried under homework…XD…yeah, but basically, I'm thinking of updating thhis once a week from now on, instead of sporadically…XD…I guess you guys must be really mad at me right now, so I'm really sorry…:(…anyways, I worked really hard on this so PLEASE review! (basically, I'm sorta upset that no one reviewed on my other fic, "Attack of the Inners" –I spent forever working on that one….so yeah…

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto….i own SASUKE! Muahahahahaha! XD

---------------------------------

While Jiraiya was reading Romeo and Juliet, Tsunade and the rest of the Jounins were watching what was happening on the tv screen, waiting in anticipation at how Sakura would react to Sai's outburst on how he Kakashi, and Itachi were trying to get her and Sasuke together.

(on screen)

"WHAT?!" Sakura stopped kicking and raging at Sai, who was backed up in a corner and pressed up against a brick wall.

"Well?! Speak!" Sakura punched the wall behind Sai, causing some bricks to fall down and hit his head.  
"Dur…."

"SAI!!!!" Sakura screamed.

"Waaaaaaa….." Sai tilted his head onto one side, a bit a drool coming out of his mouth.

"Sai…." Sakura was getting worried as she looked at Sai, whose eyes were swirling from the bricks that had fallen onto his head.

"Are you okay…?" Sakura waved a hand in front of Sai, waiting for him to call her "Ugly" or something else more insulting.

Sai's head finally snapped up as Sakura sighed in relief, thinking that he was alright. However, her relief was shortlived.

"Sai, answer my FRIGGIN' QUESTION, GODDAMMIT!" Sakura screamed, losing control.

Sai opened his mouth.

"…"

"…"

Sai closed his mouth.

Sakura started cracking her knuckles.

Sai opened his mouth again and found his voice.

_Come home in the morning light  
My mother says when you gonna live your life right  
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones  
And girls they want to have fun  
Oh girls just want to have fun_

_The phone rings in the middle of the night  
My father yells what you gonna do with your life  
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one  
But girls they want to have fun  
Oh girls just want to have _

That's all they really want Some fun  
When the working day is done  
Girls they want to have fun  
Oh girls just want to have fun,  
They want to have fun,  
They want to have fun...

Sakura stared as Sai rocked with the beat of the cursed song that he was singing.

"SAI!!!!!!!"

Sai continued singing another song, oblivious to the wrath of the pink-haired kunoichi (sp?).

What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside your trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,  
I do it on the daily,  
They treat me really nicely,  
They buy me all these ices.  
Dolce & Gabbana,  
Fendi and NaDonna  
Karan, they be sharin'  
All their money got me wearin' fly  
Brother I ain't askin,  
They say they love my ass 'n,  
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,  
I say no, but they keep givin'  
So I keep on takin'  
And no I ain't taken  
We can keep on datin'  
I keep on demonstrating.

My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)  
You love my lady lumps (love),  
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),  
My humps they got you,  
Sakura sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

"I guess I shouldn't have punched the wall above his head so hard…" she muttered as she picked him up and carried him to the hospital.

(off screen at Tsunade's office)

"Whoa…." Tsunade was staring at the tv screen, wondering what possessed Sai to sing "My Humps" and start humping the ground.

"Go Sai! Work it, baby, work it!" Tsunade cheered at Sai, who was currently on screen trying to hump Sakura while she carried him.

Suddenly, Jiraiya stood up.

"Guess what, guys?" Jiraiya put down his Romeo and Juliet book and set down the laptop.

Tsunade turned around just as Kakashi and Itachi made it back to the office from the library.

"What?" the three asked Jiraiya, hoping that it wouldn't be anything perverted….welll….Tsunade hoped it wouldn't be perverted.

"Well…" Jiraiya started, a perverted grin stretching across his face, "there are SO many cool lines said by Mercutio…listen here…" Jiraiya started reciting the lines.

" Mercutio is awesome…see, he says, 'Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.' Then Romeo says, 'Pink for **flower'**, right?' and then Mercutio is like, 'Right.' Then, Romeo says, 'WHY, THEN, IS MY **PUMP** WELL FLOWERED.'"

Jiraiya started laughing maniacally at the implied innuendo as Tsunade sweatdropped.

Itachi and Kakashi grinned however.

"Hey, lemme see that…" Itachi reached for the book and began to read.

"Well said" follow me this jest now, till thou hast worn out that **pump**, that when the single **sole** of it is worn, the jest may remain…"

Itachi grinned and continued.

"Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?….by art as well as by nature: for this drivelling love is like a great natural, that **RUNS LOLLING UP AND DOWN TO HIDE HIS BAUBLE IN A HOLE**" At that, Itachi and Kakashi burst out laughing. Then, Kakashi went to the laptop.

"Hmmm…what's this? You signed up for a role as Romeo in an authentic Shakespearean play?" Kakashi sighed, rubbing his mask as Jiraiya nodded proudly.

"Yeah! Do you know how many make-out scenes Romeo is in? Plus, his ass is on the screen in one of the sex scenes too!" Jiraiya announced.

Tsunade smirked as Kakashi and Itachi signed themselves up as Benvolio and Mercutio.

"I'm sorry you guys, but did you know that all the actors are gonna be guys? That's how the plays were acted out back then…"

All eyes turned to Jiraiya, who turned blue thinking about reenacting a make out scene with a guy…and a sex scene.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

-------------------

So, what do you think? Basically, this took me forever and my parents are telling me to get off the computer, so PLEASE review! OH, and everything that was Shakespere is real. XD


	17. Things That Go Unsaid

Chapter 17

Okay, okay…I know I'm like a week late, but seriously, high school is killing me –I just had THE most stressful week ever –I had a Scriptures test on Tuesday, a Romeo and Juliet test on Wednesday (we finished the book…XD), a Vocab test and a Spanish test on Thursday, and another Romeo and Juliet test along with a Geometry test on Friday…sighs…anyways, I'm just gonna wing this chappie cuz I didn't plan it out or anything so things will probably be random and ….yeah…anyways, you HAVE to review this time cuz the review count has been going down and I'm thinking of ending this soon…and starting another fic…XD

Btw, I published a one-shot –_Cheese!_ –Check it out! XD

--------------------------

(The next day)

Sai shook his head, as if trying to fend off an impeding headache.

"Argh….I feel disgusting…" He muttered, clutching his head in his hands and moaning all the while.

"Serves you right for trying to hook me up with Sasuke!" Sakura suddenly came into Sai's view and loomed over him, causing him to shiver and cry out.

"Sakura! Don't do that to me! It's not healthy to have someone as ugly as you near me when I wake up!" Sai screamed, struggling to back up on his bed in an attempt to get farther away from Sakura.

"Look…Sai…why didn't you just tell me to be with Sasuke in the first place?" Sakura said resignedly.

Sai thought for a moment and then replied.

"Well…for one, I didn't want you to start beating me up like you did before…." Sai said, rubbing his aching head, "And two because you might have refused…you know, with the whole Sasuke-becoming-evil-and-betraying-the-village-thing…"

Sakura's eyebrow twitched as she suddenly came up with a brilliant plan and smiled evilly.

"Fine…I'll give Sasuke a chance IF you do what I say…" Sakura said as she whispered her plan into Sai's ear.

Sai began to turn bright red as Sakura finished.

"No! I'm NOT doing that!" Sai crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Fine then…I guess I'll just ignore poor little Sasuke then…" Sakura smirked, knowing that Sai would eventually give in.

Sakura was right. A few minutes later, Sai sighed (lol…it sorta rhymes..XD) and muttered, "Okay…I'll do it, but you better hook up with Sasuke…"

Sakura just smiled again.

(a couple of hours later)

Sai stood outside the theater company, hesitantly stepping in. Once inside, he was greeted by a group of very…er…_strange_ people.

"Hello, you very handsome little boy! I hope you are here to sign up for the lovely and delightful Romeo and Juliet play, am I right?" The leader of the group of weird people spoke.

Sai stared at the man, trying to hold down his laughter.

The man, it turned out, was a middle-aged guy in a pink fairy costume complete with the translucent wings and the sparkling wand. He had pink nail polish on and white mascara, along with some fake eyelashes that were almost falling off.

The man waited.

"Errm….yeah…..I am here to sign up for the Romeo and Juliet thingy…." Sai muttered, trying not to stare at the guy's _feminine_ attire.

"That's so groovy, honey!" the man said. The suddenly turned around and beckoned Sai to follow him. The man's posse, however, stayed and started chatting with Sakura, who was pointedly ignoring all of the _help! What do I do?_ Looks from Sai. Sighing loudly, Sai followed the fairy man.

_Oh god…is he gonna rape me?_

Hey, if he does, at least you'll get the satisfaction knowing that you've done it in a closet before.. 

_I know, but what if I get one of those STDs like we learned in Kakashi's sex ed class?_

_**You know what? I REALLY do not wanna think about that again…seriously, that old pervert should NOT be teaching a sex ed class…I mean, remember when he told us that we should 'experiment'?**_

_Okay…it's time for you to shut up….oh god! Is that a closet that he's leading me into?_

Sai quickly shook his head for the millionth time that day, trying to ignore the sudden dizziness that resulted from his sudden movement.

The fairy-man (I'm gonna call him Mr. Fairy from now on…) led Sai into a closet-like office, that is to say, a very small office that could be considered to be a closet. Piles of papers were everywhere and there was a little laptop in a corner, with unpleasant images on its screen.

"err…Mister…."

"Mister Fairy-man –you can call me that…" Mr. Fairy-man said.

Sai held back a chuckle. "Sure…er…Mr. Fairy-man, I was just wondering…can I be Mercutio? I heard he's a very…err…_entertaining_ character in the play…"

Mr. F grinned, apparently pleased with himself.

"Sure! See, our play is a little different from the actual play –it's basically about a girl, Juliet, who is played me, who first falls in love with Romeo but then cheats on him for Mercutio and Benvolio…I personally think it's a much better storyline, don't you think?"

Sai started backing up, realizing what he just signed himself up for.

_Dammit Sakura! Why'd you have to do this to me? I'm still a virgin, you know!!!_

Sai chuckled nervously.

"Hey, Mr. F….i don't have to do anything physical, right?"

Mr. Fairy-Man grinned.

"Oh, it's nothing…it's just that I have some things planned for in the play especially for Mercutio…"

Sai gulped.

_Sakura! This is so not cool!_

"Er…okay….I guess I'll be going now…" Sai hurriedly backed out of the closet-like office and made a run for it. He finally made it to the front entrance, where Sakura was talking to Mr. F's posse. Sai desperately skidded up to her, breaking up the group and dragged Sakura away and outside.

Once they were outside and ten blocks away, Sakura stopped running and shook Sai's grasp off her arm.

"Sai! What were you doing?" Sakura screeched.

(back at Tsunade's office)

"So, who did you and Kakashi sign up as?" Tsunade asked Itachi as he turned blue from finding out that all of the actors were guys.

"Oh…I was Lord Capulet and Kakashi is Benvolio…"

"Who's the director?" Tsunade asked.

Itachi peered at the screen and suddenly turned white.

"His name is Mr. Fairy-man and….omg…..LOOK AT WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!"

Itachi showed the screen to Tsunade, who turned around to see a man with white mascara and pink nail polish.

"I heard he costars as Juliet, too, Jiraiya," Tsunade said, holding back laughter.

A few seconds later, a loud scream was heard throughout all of Konoha.

------------------

So, how was it? I sorta liked how it came out cuz I had NO idea how this was going to turn out but it turned out okay..XD…now, please REVIEW!!!! Oh, and btw, I LOVE ALL MY SUPPORTIVE REVIEWERS!!!!!! So, plz review, both old and new reviewers…it'd really make my day.

Btw, I wrote a one-shot –_Cheese!_ –you should totally read it –it's nejiten and according to my friends, it's really funny.


	18. Discovery Channel and Hackers

Chapter 18

Yes, I'm about a month late on the updates but my parents signed me up for an art contest and I had to draw like 5 hours every weekend so I couldn't update…I seriously REALLY sorry you guys…:(

Anyways, I have been working on a new thing….if you're a fan of romance-angsty sasusaku, then check out my new collection of oneshots 'Perspectives'…I'm actually gonna update that one more cuz…I'm weird that way…XD…anyways, on with the fic, and I really hope you guys review cuz I have about 20 people who have this on their alerts but only 9 review…so yeah…I'd be really grateful if you would review….

IMPORTANT: There was a mistake somewhere in the previous chapters….Sai was the one who was supposed to be kicked out of the library and Itachi won't be Mercutio cuz Sai signed up before him cuz Sakura made him

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own Naruto. Otherwise, it'd be called Sasuke.

--------------------------------------------

Sai Mercutio 

Jiraiya Romeo

Mr. F Juliet

Itachi Tybalt

Kakashi Benvolio

----------------------------------------------

"NOOOO! MY LIFE IS RUINED!" Jiraiya howled, his retinas burning everytime he looked at the picture of the man he was supposed to co-star with.

"I CAN'T DO THIS! MR. F WILL DRAIN MY INSPIRATION FOR THE NEW ICHA ICHA SERIES!!!!! IT'LL BE THE APOCALYPSE…SERIOUSLY, I'LL START WRITING 'BOYS GONE WILD' NEXT AND MY SALES WILL TANK!!!" Jiraiya started screaming as loudly as possible, and bashed his head into Tsunade's desk as he started running around, oblivious to the stares he was receiving from the others –mainly, Itachi, Kakashi, and Tsunade.

"STOP IT!" Tsunade yelled, smirking.

Jiraiya, seeing Tsunade's smirk, started shivering.

"You guys…" Jiraiya gestured towards Kakashi and Itachi, motioning them to step back, "I think Tsunade is going to do something bad…" Jiraiya trailed off, shuddering.

Tsunade's smirk grew even wider as she stepped closer to them. However, what was on her mind surprised all of them.

"I think I know how to get you guys out of this…here, listen."

The three men came in closer, and began listening to Tsunade's (evil) plan, which, luckily, did not really involve either of them.

Outside, Shizune listened in at the door, and caught the words 'play', 'Romeo and Juliet', 'Sasuke', 'Sakura', 'kidnapping', 'kiss', and 'Mr. F'.

Whatever kind of plan this was, Shizune reasoned, it was not going to be safe at all.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

( at the theater place w/ Sai and Sakura)

"Sakura, that is the last time I ever listen to you…seriously, you put me in THE most awkward situation ever…I mean…Mr. F was scary…and I have to make out with him!" Sai started screeching quietly in public so as other people wouldn't think that he was weird…not that everyone didn't already know that he had stolen Kakashi's Icha Icha volume one Halloween night and spent the whole night trying 'tricks' with some of his…er…girl…friends….insert awkward cough….

"Sai…do you really want me to go ballistic on you in public?" Sakura said dangerously, her hands clenching and unclenching so that her knuckles cracked every few seconds.

"Err…yeah…just forget I said anything…" Sai said, shrinking and suddenly walking slower so he would be out of Sakura's punching range, not that he hadn't seen Sakura's deadly fist flying a couple hundred of meters from her socket before.

Sai, trying to get rid of the awkward silence that had descended upon the two tried whistling, but after receiving a particularly deadly look from Sakura, stopped and went to humming. Sakura, trying not to care, walked ahead faster, but froze when she heard a familiar tune from Sai that brought back some rather dirty lyrics to her mind.

_Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought  
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about  
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts  
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up  
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds  
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns  
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined  
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time_

Do it now  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Gettin' horny now

At the mention of hash browns, Sakura inwardly puked and swung around, connecting her fist with Sai's already bruised face.

_Thump!_

Sai fell over, unconscious for the second time that day, and Sakura sighed, the millionth time that day.

"Great…" she said, slinging Sai over her back like a bag of heavy potatoes…or rather, like the Fedex truck that Sai had mentioned, or had brought to mind.

-----------------------------------------

(at Tsunade's office)

Jiraiya was presently hypnotized by the string of web codes that Tsunade had somehow made the computer screen show, and was now hacking into the Romeo and Juliet list of roles and actors.

"There!" Tsunade said, pleased with her work, "Now, Sasuke replaces you as Romeo, Mr. F is replaced by Sakura as Juliet, and Itachi and Kakashi keep their roles…"

Jiraiya sighed in relief, "Thank God, Tsunade…you seriously saved my life…"

Tsunade grinned, "But you know Jiraiya, you do owe me own right now, so I guess you better not publish anymore pictures of me in Icha Icha Paradise –it's hurting my role as Hokage, you know," Tsunade said sarcastically, but threateningly at the same time.

Jiraiya smirked.

"It's gonna be alright, Tsunade…I mean, with the pics that I'll get from Sasuke's and Sakura's numerous make-out scenes, I think this volume of Icha Icha Paradise will be a _huge_ blowout…" Jiraiya sniggered, a perverted grin making its way across his face, "Just wait till the play –wait a sec…when is it?" Jiraiya asked, an eager expression quickly replaced with glee.

"Umm…." Tsunade scrolled down and clicked the mouse a few times, going back to the site of the Romeo and Juliet play, "Oh, it's in four days…get ready Jiraiya for the best day of your life!"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes, "Yeah right…like this will _ever_ come close to the time I saw you naked…"

However, that was not the thing Tsunade was hoping to hear, and so the next thing that Jiraiya knew, he was flying out the window and landed in the Konoha Hospital on top of Sai, who was currently singing Bloodhound Gang's 'Discovery Channel/ The Bad Touch' all over again.

Jiraiya grinned, and started singing along with Sai.

_Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket  
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it  
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas  
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"  
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship  
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip  
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle  
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"  
_At the mention of 'Mister Coffee with an automatic drip', Jiraiya and Sai cracked up in perverted laughter, with a hint of 'ku-ku-ku-s' here and there.

A few seconds later, Jiraiya was in the psychiatric ward and Sai was placed in the Critical Care Unit. Outside, a loud yell could be heard from Jiraiya, who was presently screaming something that sounded like, " NO! I WILL NOT COME OUT OF THE CLOSET! AND I MEAN THAT **BOTH** WAYS!"

In her office, Tsunade laughed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yay! I finished it and I actually feel proud of it –I think that this was somewhat funny, so that proves that I haven't really lost my humorous streak. Anyways, you might wanna check out 'Perspectives', okay? Please do, cuz I've been working really hard on that fic, and it'd be cool if you guys reviewed for that one too. Plus, I might upload a REALLY funny oneshot and it'll be TOTALLY sasusaku and yeah…it's gonna be really funny –I'm gonna call it 'Room 69'…anyways, push Mr. Review Button so he'll know and feel the wonders of the Discovery Channel too! XD

On another note, just in case you were wondering, I was listening to 'Discovery Channel' all the way through this chappie…XD…


	19. All Sorts of Fun

Chapter 19

Hey guys! What's up? Anyways, I have NOT been slacking…much…at all this vacation…see, two days ago, we were in New York and now I'm back at home and…yeah….if you guys want some serious humor, then read what I've been working on during my free time –"Room 69", "Christmas in Room 69", and "All I Want for Christmas Is"…so, without further ado, I bring you chapter 19!

Disclaimer: Will everyone on my favorites/alerts list ever review this fic? Do I own Naruto? Let's make both these dreams come true.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wait…how did I get into this again?" Sasuke rubbed his head a few days later, wondering how he got into the mess that was known as the Romeo and Juliet play. Kakashi had presented him with the flyer while telling him that Sasuke would play the part of Romeo a couple of days ago after dark haired boy had gotten to the hospital for damage to his 'area', along with supersizing it. After all, the Uchiha clan _had_ to be restored sometime anyways.

Sasuke sighed, using his Sharingan to memorize the (revised) lines for the play, and his brow creased.

"I can't _believe_ I'm going to have to do this on stage…wait till Naruto hears about this –he'll have a field day," the Uchiha rubbed his forehead in irritation as well as exhaustion, "well…whatever…I better get paid for doing this though and it's gonna be good practice in bed too for later on…"

And with that, the Uchiha brushed his teeth (with his baby blue toothbrush), washed his face (with the matching towel), brushed his hair (with the pink hairbrush), and tucked himself in (on the magenta bed), and promptly fell asleep (next to his cute stuffed rabbit, a cheap imitation of the Velveteen Rabbit©)

(dream sequence starts)

Sasuke found himself in a bottomless hole, and he began struggling unsuccessfully to get back up onto solid ground, but eventually hit the ground with an 'omph'.

"_What the hell?!" Sasuke muttered under his breath, scanning his surroundings with his bloodshot Sharingan eyes._

_Sasuke closed his eyes, willing himself out of his present uncomfortable situation. After a few seconds, he cracked open one eye, hoping that he was in his clean, warm (pink) bed. However, according to Neji, that was not what Fate had in store for him. The dark-haired Uchiha sighed again, and shouted 'Kai: Release!', but was still in the same damp, cave-like environment that was covered in dripping moss. _

"_Wheeeeeee!" _

_Sasuke cocked his head the direction of the sound that had caught his attention and waited._

"_Lalalalala!"_

_Sasuke's eyebrow rose and began to twitch on its own accord, with Sasuke trying to stop it from moving but to no avail. Suddenly, around a corner, a sea of pink flooded him and Sasuke found himself being trampled by mini Sasuke lookalikes with pink hair. After the tsunami of little Uchihas had calmed down and settled in the majority of the cave, a few notes of music soared and footsteps were heard._

_After a few seconds, a foot, and then a leg appeared into Sasuke's line of vision. Sasuke looked harder, and then a lady stepped in, dressed in a white nightgown over her pale-white skin. Sasuke looked up._

_It was Sakura, and she was offering him her hand._

"_Wanna make some more Uchihas, Sasuke?"_

(end dream sequence)

Sasuke woke up with a startled expression and immediately checked to see if he was back in his (oh so kawaii) bedroom, and breathed in relief. However, not all was well when he felt a familiar tingling sensation in his nether regions.

"Oh God….not again…" Sasuke groaned as he clutched _there_. He stumbled blindly into his bathroom and turned the cold water faucet on. After a few minutes, he navigated his way less blearily to his bed.

"Great…now I'm gonna fall asleep during tomorrow's play…I wonder who's going to play Juliet…it better not be Ino or Tenten or Shikamaru or Neji will rip my guts out…"

And with that, Sasuke fell into a more calmer sleep (filled with unicorns, flowers, and little teddy bears that resembled Gaara's).

(the day of the play)

Sasuke stumbled in onstage and began speaking his lines (revised by Mr. F who was currently seeking treatment for his neutering surgery) from memory.

"Oh Juliet! Where art thou, milady? I must bed you now before I head over to the blasted Mantua!"

Sakura appeared onstage in a high tower.

"Oh Romeo! How long have I waited for this night! Come to me, my fair prince and let us spend our wedding night together!"

Sakura and Sasuke began blushing while Kakashi hit the music that was to be played in _the background._

_oh, you touch my tralala,  
mm my ding ding dong.  
la lalala lalala...  
Oh, you touch my tralala  
la lalala lalala...  
mm, my ding ding dong.  
la lalala lalala..._

Deep in the night   
i'm looking for some fun,  
deep in the night  
i'm looking for some love.  
dedededeep in the night  
i'm looking for some fun,  
deep in the night  
i'm looking for some...  
Sasuke began climbing up the ladder that led to Sakura's (Juliet's) bedroom. While he was halfway up, he suddenly felt lightheaded, but continued on.

At the bedroom, Sasuke jumped in, and the stage suddenly opened up to unveil a huge room, with Sasuke and Sakura inside, standing in the middle while the audience _oooohhhh_ and _aaaahhhh_-ed.

You tease me,  
oh please me,  
i want you to be my lovetoy,  
come near me, don´t here me,  
i just can´t get enough of you boy.

Sakura and Sasuke stepped towards each other as the audience cheered. They got closer and closer…

Until….

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------/

And that's what you're gonna get folks, so if you review quickly enough, I might just post the last chappie before New Year's. That's right people, **the last chappie!** –cries- Anyways, I've already got it planned out so all you people who have it either on your favorites or alerts or are just wicked cool people who are reading this, PLEASE REVIEW! –laughs evilly at the people who are dying to know what's going to happen-


	20. The Play, the Kiss, and the Blackmail

Chapter 20

Awww! It's so sad:(….this is gonna be the last chapter of cleared so if you guys could be supportive, then reviews would be awesome…anyways, enough with the cliffie from last chapter…I present to you: -drumroll- CHAPTER 20! –round of applause followed by bows from the authoress-

Btw, if you guys wanna check out some of my other work, then read 'The Bedroom', which is a shikaino one….if you're more of a sasusaku one, then check out my three Christmas sasusaku oneshots! XD

Disclaimer: I no own so you no sue 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------/

Sasuke and Sakura moved closer and closer to each other…

Until….

They couldn't stand it anymore.

Sasuke suddenly strode forward purposely, a determined glint in his eye, while the audience avidly waited for his next action. Sakura, too, froze on the spot, and then continued to walk closer until the two were just inches apart.

"Sasuke?"

"Sakura?"

A few jeers were heard as someone in the back of the crowd shouted, "Hey! I thought this was supposed to be about Romeo and Juliet!" However, a whack from Tsunade quieted the otherwise suspenseful pause that lingered in the air.

"Sasuke? What is it? Are you sick? You look as if you're burning up!" Sakura worriedly put her hand on Sasuke's forehead as the audience cooed.

"No...that's not it Sakura…." Sasuke managed to say before closing his mouth and biting his lip.

"Then what is it? Tell me! Is there something on my face? What's wrong?"

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Sasuke spoke, to the audience's delight.

"Look, Sakura…you know how you've always been tailing me and how I've always told you off?"

Sakura nodded, letting Sasuke continue.

"Well….how about this once you help me out here and get me out of this…." Sasuke urgently whispered while Sakura decidedly sweat-dropped.

Sakura sighed.

"Fine…here…why don't we twist the ending –I mean, the whole play was already screwed up by Mr. F anyways…" Sakura suggested while Sasuke listened, "okay…look, how about you just commit suicide before the 'infamous kiss' and then we hurry you off backstage, where we make either Sai or Itachi come in and pretend to be you so that way we won't have you kiss…'kay?" Sakura came up with a plan distractedly, playing with a strand of her hair while waiting for Sasuke to approve of her plan.

Sasuke bent back dejectedly, and blew a bit of his hair out of his eyes too.

"Fine…let's get this started," he muttered, getting tired of the whole play.

Sakura grunted in agreement as Sasuke started to perform the planned-out suicide instead of the long-awaited kiss as the audience roared up in anger.

"Hey! You guys were supposed to kiss!"

"What happened? I thought they were supposed to make out before he died!"

"This play SUCKS!"

"What's with the whole plot change?!"

"Will someone just get that stupid Uchiha offstage? He's good for nothing! HE'S STUPID!"

"UCHIHA! GET OFF THE STAGE!"

The crowd screamed, throwing random things at Sasuke and Sakura as they both flushed in anger. Sakura, afraid that Sasuke would go all curse-seal on them, tried to stop it.

"SHUT UP! JUST LET US FINISH THE FREAKING PLAY AND MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES!" Sakura panted, out of breath as she looked at Sasuke, a wordless plea to do something.

Sasuke just raised his eyebrow, as if asking her _Well? What **do** you want me to do?_

Sakura pushed the hair out of her eyes and punched the floor, using her chakra, and formed a crater in the middle of the stage. The people quieted as they looked at Sakura.

"Can we just finish the play? I mean, Romeo and Juliet is supposed to be a tragedy, so having them never kiss will kind of enhance the plot…okay?" Sakura glared threateningly at the crowd, especially at Kakashi who was getting ready to put another cd into the boombox/radio he was carrying.

Sasuke sighed –he had had enough of this and straightened up from his almost-stabbing position as he opened his arms up, dropping the knife in his hand.

"Just be quiet, got it? The play is going to be better than the original one, and if it isn't, then you can call me anything you want. However, until then, you have to believe in me and just watch, got it?" Sakura smiled in relief as Sasuke took control of the situation, but frowned in bafflement as she wondered what he meant when he said that that play was going to be better than the one Shakespeare wrote.

"Well…let's get on with it…" Sasuke whispered as he adjusted his costume and proceeded to speak.

"Sak…I mean, Juliet….I have always been obsessed with someone else, like Ita…I mean, Rosaline…but I swear, right now, that although you may be the most annoying, loud, chattering, weak, _annoying_, scary, freakily-strong, _weak_, blabbing, superficial, _annoying_ girl that I have ever met and have ever seen…" Sasuke said, taking a deep breath while Sakura glared at him while he spoke of her –ahem- lesser qualities, "I believe that if you are at my side, then…well…._things_ can happen."

Sakura shook her head in confusion. _What did his words mean? Was he accepting her, or just insulting her? Or was this just part of the play?_

Sakura had no time to respond, though, for at that moment when the audience whistled at the thoughts of the _things_ that could happen if the two people on the stage were together, Kakashi had somehow wire up his radio/boombox so it was now blasting out some song that wasn't actually _that_ perverted.

Scratch that.

It wasn't perverted _at all_.

Sakura smiled at the song choice as Sasuke tried to remember where he had heard it.

_You're beautiful…._

_You're beautiful…_

_You're beautiful, that's true…._

The song went on, and Sakura was positively glowing, but smiled sadly as the chorus repeated in her head.

_You're beautiful…._

_You're beautiful…_

_You're beautiful, that's true…._

A tear welled up in her eye and it made its way down her cheek as one line from the song struck a chord in her heart for what seemed the millionth time since she had listened to it.

…_And I'll never be with you…_

Sakura held back a sob, and forced a happy grin on her face, but found that Sasuke was looking at her with puzzlement, his eyes mainly focussed on her too-bright eyes suspiciously filled with tears.

"What wrong?" he said, tracing his finger down the trail of her tear, "Did I do something?"

Sakura shook her head, trying to engrave this moment in her head so she would remember it the next day when Sasuke would be back ignoring her again.

"No…" Sakura cleared her throat, "I'm fine…."

"Just fine…." She said, after a moment's contemplation.

"That's good…" Sasuke said, and Sakura inwardly cried some more as she realized that Sasuke would never know what she really felt, "But are you going to be okay if I do this?"

Suddenly, Sasuke's head descended onto Sakura's and she felt his lips on hers, as the audiences cheered and Kakashi winked in the background.

Sakura sighed halfway through the kiss. Was this just all an act? How was she supposed to react after they parted? And was he really just doing this because of the play? Why didn't he just go along with her original plan? Was he just doing this to keep his reputation?

A million questions ran through her head, but all of them were answered as Sasuke deepened the originally shy kiss. His hot breath steaming and mixing with hers, she grinned happily to herself, and granted him entrance into her mouth. As his tongue made its way, exploring all the hidden cavities in her mouth, he pushed harder, almost bruising her lips in the process, showing her (and possibly the crowd also), that he was the dominant one.

Being her first kiss, Sakura didn't know if it was the best one, a normal one, or just a plain awkward one; however, one thing in her mind was clear –this was new for Sasuke too –he wasn't perfect at this either –Sakura could tell from the way he held her body uncomfortably while his mouth was still on hers. Still, nothing could break this moment for Sakura, for although this new sensation was altogether surprising, she thoroughly savored the entire feeling, and stamped it into her memory bank, a testament of her memories with Sasuke.

As Sasuke put more pressure onto her lips, Sakura thought it was time to take action, and wound her leg seductively against hers, effectively easing the weight on her mouth as Sasuke inhaled sharply, breaking the kiss, but all the more becoming…shall we say…_aroused_. Sakura smiled softly at the sight of him, his hair slightly ruffled from when her hands had begun to play with his strands in the middle of the kiss.

However, before Sasuke and Sakura could 'act' some more, the curtain closed, and Tsunade started speaking.

"And here you have the 'happily ever after' version of Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_. We hope you enjoyed. Please throw your trash away while you leave, and please remember to congratulate the actors."

Behind the curtain, though, was a different story.

"Sasuke? What was that?" Sakura demanded, no longer smiling sultrily as she had been a few moments ago.

"What? It was for the play. I don't have _feelings_ for you Sakura. After all, I still have to kill Itachi once he regains his memories."

Sakura sighed sadly, completely expecting his answer, and began walking away.

"Well…it was good working with you, Sasuke. I hope you complete your goal."

And with that, Sakura left a completely shocked Uchiha Sasuke as she slowly trudged home.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------/

(with Sasuke)

"Teme! What did you do to Sakura? She hasn't been out for a whole WEEK!" Naruto screamed in Sasuke's ear while they were supposed to be training as Kakashi read his little orange book.

"What? She said she was sick, so let's just leave her be," Sasuke sighed, "why can't we just continue sparring?"

Naruto, heating up, chose to ignore Sasuke, and continued on.

"I mean, you guys were fine on the day of the play. Hell, you even kissed the poor girl. Now, though, Sakura-chan's been cooped up her house, and I hear she's been crying all the time, according to Hinata-chan."

Sasuke smirked, "Hinata-chan? Since when have you called Hinata that? It sounds stupid, dobe, and it'd be stupider to go to find out what's going on with Sakura…now, either train with me, or leave."

"Fine!" Naruto harrumphed, "I guess I'll help her myself!"

And with that, Naruto stormed away, leaving Uchiha Sasuke alone, just like Sakura did a week ago.

Sasuke sighed, and began picking up the weapons that littered the ground. Unbeknownst to him, a certain silver-haired jounin popped up behind him.

"You know, Sasuke…Naruto's right…why don't you just see how Sakura's doing? If not as a friend, as a teammate."

Sasuke ran his hand through his hair.

"Fine."

------------------------------------------------------------------------/

(At Sakura's house)

_Knock. Knock._

"C-c-come in…" Sakura managed to hiccup under the pile of tissues that covered her while she lay on the bed.

The door opened.

"You should take care to lock your door, Haruno," came Sasuke's cold voice from the living room. Apparently, he was beginning to get closer to Sakura's bedroom as she could tell from the sound of his footsteps.

"Wait! Don't come in! I'm not dressed yet!" Sakura half-yelped, successfully stopping the Uchiha as she hurriedly tried to throw away the wet tissues and hide the chick flicks that were messily sprawled across her bedroom. Seeing that her task was done, she plopped herself on the bed, and cried out, "I'm ready!"

The door opened, and Sasuke walked in, examining the small, pink room, taking note of the trash can stuffed with Kleenex, and the television that was buried with DVDs.

"So? What have you been doing lately? You haven't been with us training this past week," Sasuke stated.

"Oh…" Sakura feigned a cough, "I've been sick…you know, with the whole cold thing that's been going on."

Sasuke sighed, "Sakura, stop telling me lies. Speak."

"Fine! If you really want to know, I've been trying to figure out what happened last week, okay?" Sakura screamed shrilly, surprising the Uchiha.

"Well, what went wrong last week?"

"Nothing! You just don't get it, do you? You always play with girls' feelings, and then when you steal their first kiss, you just say that it was for a stupid play and then let her walk away!" Sakura cried, grabbing another Kleenex and sobbing hysterically, "I-I-I-t's not FAIR!"

Sakura wailed for a couple of minutes before calming down.

"Well? If you have something to say, then say it. I don't want you to miss your oh so precious time that you could be spending training," Sakura spat, burying herself under the covers of her bed.

_So that's what she was upset about_. Sasuke walked closer to Sakura, and whipped the covers off the bed so he could see Sakura.

"Well…if you were really upset about that so much, then why didn't you just tell me?"

And with that, Sasuke's mouth closed over Sakura's for the second time in her life, and it was for sure as magical as the first experience was.

As they both parted for air, Sasuke smirked.

"So, are you happy now? Sure, that kiss was for the play, but I was saving this for later…"

Sakura playfully slapped Sasuke on the shoulder.

"Baka! You should have told me earlier!"

**-Curtain closes-**

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------/

you guys, I was seriously gonna end it there, but seeing as I have some awesome reviewers, I decided to put this in…XD

(Three years later)

"Sasuke! He's your son too! I mean, just help me out here once in a while!"

A sigh was heard.

"Fine. I'll do what you want as long as I get to spend a whole night with you tonight _alone_."

A giggled resounded in the room.

"Sure, Sasuke-kun!"

Slowly but surely, the person in the window snuck up closer so that he had a clear view of what was going on between the newly-married Uchihas.

The spy giggled and started taking pictures.

There, in the middle of the warm living room standing in his full glory while wearing a pink apron and trying to make funny faces, was THE Uchiha Sasuke –and he was having his hair pulled by a small baby boy who looked suspiciously like a cross between his father and mother.

The person at the window sneaked away, with the pictures in hand and the Polaroid bouncing around his neck, and sped towards Kakashi's house. Once there, he burst into the room, and showed the said man the photos.

The jounin sighed.

"Naruto, when will you ever stop?" the silver haired man asked, his hand inching towards the orange book that was placed just beyond his reach.

The spy rubbed his blonde head.

"Kakashi-sensei, don't be such a party pooper! This is blackmail! I'm sure Itachi and Sai and you can do something with it!"

Kakashi sighed –Sasuke and Sakura were in for the time of their lives.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------/

So, that's the end….:(…I know, I know, it's said, isn't it? Anyways, I had a great time writing this fic, and I hope you had a good time reading it too, okay? Now, press the little review button so you can make this authoress happy! XD

**I would like to thank my reviewers too for being just plain awesome. Thank you for supporting me all the way and I hope to see you soon!**

**THE END**


End file.
